Are you hiding?
Spring, a time of rebirth—also a time of release and to step from beneath the shadows we hide behind so that we can become all that we desire
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Come out, come out wherever you are.
Let me ask you, are you hiding? Are there pieces and parts of yourself that you’ve tucked away—sheltered from the light of day and the opinions of others…protected like a fragile little bird?
I get it. Been there and done that (many times). I’ll be the first to admit, that there can actually be great wisdom in trusting your own timing—provided that you eventually come out! But far too often dreams, visions, inspirations and ideas remain hidden away for fear of criticism or worse yet…failure. Unborn.
What’s the worst thing that can happen…you are judged? Misunderstood? Things don’t work out the way you had hoped? Nope. The worst thing would be not birthing that version of yourself, and by extension, your creative baby.
It’s easy to get lost beneath the bigness of others.
It’s starts with our own families as children and gets thread through all of our relationships in life—in work, in love, in creating. We learn to play smaller, make concessions, stay in jobs and relationships we should move on from, never reveal the dreams we have for ourselves—never interrupt this pattern and pass it along to our own children.
Let’s pull the needle from that record.
What did you want to be as a child? Do you remember? In middle school (we called it junior high back then), I wanted to be a journalist (Diane Sawyer to be exact) and to go to college for advertising. I loved art. How any of that was going to unfold was beyond me, but that isn’t how dreams work.
In high school, despite my straight A’s and stellar resume, no one was advising me of which colleges to look at (probably because there was no budget for me to go to college), so I carried on and applied to many of the same schools that my friends were applying to. But my life took a detour, a good one at that.
At fifteen years old I was “discovered” and signed by the top fashion modeling agency and whisked off to Paris that summer to begin a complicated, fascinating 15-year journey of globetrotting and dancing between glossy magazine pages and runways. But before I digress too far off the path…do you know what I still wanted to do…what I couldn’t get out of my mind? I wanted to go to college, and I wanted to create. Because that’s the way dreams work. They hold on bare knuckling it.
We may deviate from the plan and the path—and our dreams may get further buried, but they remain gasping for air, calling out to you…their voice waning in the backdrop. Come back. Wait…I’m over here. Don’t you see me? What was that for you?
I have zero regrets about how my life played out (well, maybe a few of the sordid details). Sure, I wish I had gotten certain places faster, avoided others, wobbled a bit less, claimed myself sooner. But we arrive when we arrive. I truly believe it was a part of my divine plan (particularly the bumps and bruises). Hey, it’s why I’ve adopted the moniker of Lemonade Maker! I am NOT wasting my life lemons, not a single one.
Illustration by my friend Kathleen Fisher
Life was always working upon my behalf—happening for me, instead of to me.
If truth be told, I was working against life. I couldn’t help it initially, I spent plenty of time feeling sorry for myself, blaming others, feeling like a victim of circumstances and a martyr. And trust me, life provided me with some ammunition. But that was because I didn’t have the tools or the wherewithal to review it all through a different lens. Well, I have them now and it’s all led me back to myself, my gifts, my intuition, home. Full circle, you could say.
Again, I ask you…what are you hiding? What have you convinced yourself of…there is no time in my busy life for this, I’m too old, that ship has passed me by, I don’t know where to start?
It honestly starts with remembering. The things we try to forget don’t go away, instead they quietly gnaw away at us from the inside out. I want us all to free ourselves and share what we came here to do. Pick a date. Pick a time. It’s time to “out” yourself. Yeah, easy for me to say, right? Actually…no. Even I, who has outed herself many times, still waffle with this one. In fact, I’m kind of doing it again.
But here’s a little secret: The world around you keeps spinning and the people in it are dealing with their own internal struggles…and launching their own dreams. This may sound harsh, but they care far less about your big move than you do solely because they’ve got their issues at hand.
Even though you can literally start again, make a new life decision and pivot at any time, it’s hard not to get caught up in calendar year fanfare. You know, the ol’ new year, new you sentiments all awash in resolutions.
I distinctly recall that moment in late 2019 when I was putting finishing touches on articles to be published in Best Self Magazine that upcoming January, the new year. Tidying up yearend loose ends at my desk, putting final bows on holiday packages, there was an undercurrent of anticipation buzzing about. This one felt different. 2020…such an auspicious number. This will be THE year I told myself.
I anticipated that this was the year where it would all coalesce, the years of taking courses, following creative threads, creating, building, dreaming, pivoting, returning to self. Yes, 2020, would bring forth clarity and perfect vision.
And then we all know what happened…or do we?
Were you paying attention? Do you remember what you were doing, thinking, planning, excited about?
I was in a beautiful part of the west coast of Mexico for a “boondoggle” with a few girlfriends for a quick getaway. Little did we know as we were sipping margaritas beneath palm trees, embraced by Pacific Ocean sea breezes and sunsets…that the world was about to be shut down and us with it. During our stay, there were some whisperings in the news about what was going on in Europe and what might be headed our way…but we simply dismissed it. Cut to the margaritas and mariachi band music!
It’s amazing how life can shift on a dime. If I had known that would be my last proper vacation for 2 years, would it have tasted differently? Would I have appreciated it all in a different way? Surely. But who knew…who ever knows?
We all have our stories about what came next. Where we were. What we did. How we resisted. In ways, back here in Woodstock, it wasn’t such a monumental work shift for us because we already worked from home. I’ve actually been working from home since the final weeks of my pregnancy (and that was 22 years ago).
This isn’t a blog intended to rehash what came next with masks, mandates and misinformation. It isn’t a judgment on anything other than what got stirred internally (that’s enough territory to cover for one blog!). Sure, I got cranky about restrictions and the smallness of life. There were times I was afraid and scrambling for supplies in short stock like toilet paper (let’s not even begin with that one!). And then I got quiet. I exhaled. I stopped fighting and asked myself, what can I do with this…what do I want to do with this?
And you know what, my answers came and I took two huge steps on behalf of myself that were initiated in 2020. Ready for this…I signed up for a year-long Intuitive Life Coach certification program AND I hired a book coach. I had side-tabled both of these desires beneath the responsibilities of mothering, partnering, business-ing and hiding. But no longer.
Now I’ll admit, this was the most expensive investment I made in myself, during admittedly the most unstable moment of the pandemic, but I was determined not to die with my music (my book or my coaching skills) still in me. I stepped out of the chaos of the world and into my own frenetic pace of training, writing, juggling (repeat).
I never do anything small or look for the easy way out. In fact, as my ‘sibling’ in my coaching program declared, “you’re birthing twins!” And twins they certainly are. It became evident that they were each germinating and informing the other—they were meant to happen this way.
In October 2021, I officially became a certified Intuitive Life Coach and was barreling down on the completion of the 3rd draft of my book. I know many feel that you first need to write the book proposal, sell the book and then write the book—but I had to write the book to find the book! During this process, the book I have been waiting 18 years to write, revealed herself to me.
My Intuitive Life Coach certification (left) and book manuscript (right)
There were so many days I thought to myself, “You are completely nuts! What are you doing?” And as I regularly responded, I have no F%#king idea what I’m doing and I know exactly what I’m doing.
I just kept going, following the breadcrumbs I had dropped for myself throughout the years. I kept going because even in its uncertainty and vulnerability, not doing it scared me more. And a beautiful thing started to unfold…clarity. What I had held onto; the notion that these two commitments were working together—began to make sense.
So, I’m here to declare (and out myself)…I’M A CERTIFIED INTUITIVE LIFE COACH AND AUTHOR. Now it’s your turn…step away from the noise of the world, life, maybe even your family (and especially your own head)…and tell me, what have you been hiding? What’s waiting to be birthed big or small? What’s stirring within you? Come on…haven’t you been carrying that for too long now? Trust me, it’s easier to finally do it than hide it. I want that for YOU, too. Join me?
Where in your life are you hiding? Holding back? Please share in the comments below so we can continue this conversation.