Stepping Away from the Stories that Aren’t Ours
Self portrait by Kristen Noel
Calling myself out on wasting time on judgment, speculation and telling stories that weren’t mine to tell, helped me reclaim my own story (and a lot of space)
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Usually my best inspiration and clarity comes to me when I am out on my walks or hikes, which isn’t really surprising. Thank you, Mother Nature. I figured out long ago that time outdoors is my medicine — my reset, my way of stepping out of any life chaos that may be unfolding to regroup. Of course, taking a walk on the wild side isn’t about avoidance, it’s actually quite the opposite. Sometimes you simply need to step away from the desk, the confrontation or whatever you are being stressed by to look from the outside in — to see the truth of the situation, not only the emotional trigger and kneejerk response.
And whether we may be feeling stress, fear, disappointment or anger…it all feels similar to the nervous system that is scrambling overtime to help us keep it all together.
Knowing what you need to reset is critical, in fact, radical self-care.
I’d love to say a trip to Bali and a million dollars would set mefree (and trust me, sometimes I fantasize about that)…but what I really need isto remove myself from the heat of the moment…to breathe, to calm, to listen. Mygo-to’s are walks, meditation and matcha lattes in the middle of the afternoonwith a friend. They pull me right from the noise into the truth. And I willbreak from whatever is happening around me to do one of the three at any givenpoint — an impromptu soul kiss and ensuing pivot.
Not only do they physically take me out of the situation, theyclear the space for perspective…and some necessary self-reflection. Why isthis happening again? Why do I feel stuck on repeat? What am I not seeing thatneeds to be seen?
It also helps me see some of the more unsavory things I may bestuck within: judgment, resentment, jealousy, insecurity. Yep, they’re allthere standing by, waiting to join the pity party.
So back to walks, resets and inspiration. The walks aren’t magic pills. I don’t expect them to solve the problems of my world, but instead to simply pull me from the spiral down — to create space for my body to relax and enable me to move from reaction to reflection. That is their gift.
And within that quiet, my wisdom tip toes out and feels safe to emerge...and most importantly, I can begin to feel safe enough to trust it.
When I huffed and puffed my way through a recent walk, venting allthe way — I simply realized and stated aloud that I no longer want to tell thestories that aren’t mine to tell (which seems obvious enough, but let meexplain).
How many times do we get caught up in dramas that aren’t evenours? This boundary gets crossed in the name of friendships, family, co-workers,people-pleasing and basically all human relationships. It’s also how we writeour own endings without any real knowledge of the big picture. Oh,speculation, my old friend. We can’t help it, we like to control things.
Have you ever gotten a quick text or email that seems to have a‘tone’ that you misconstrued — and then a whole unnecessary drama ensued? Haveyou ever been disappointed with a rejection — perhaps a professional outreachor job search? And then there is gossip and supposition. How many times haveyou caught yourself ‘innocently’ sharing something with someone else that isn’tyours to share (families are skilled at this one)?
All in the name of love and concern, we give ourselves a hall pass to analyze things that aren’t ours to analyze. S/he should really be doing this…or not be doing that (and as a big sister, I honestly get stuck in the weeds of that one all the time).
Point being, it’s easy to get caught up and waste mind time on stories that aren’t ours to tell, fix or worry about.
WOW. Remove that and you’ve got a bunch of free time on yourhands. But first, you’ve got to catch yourself doing it and call it out. And alittle hint: once you do, you’ll be shocked at how freeing and spacious it is. Tryit, you’ll like it.
This also leads us to the truth — uncovering ways we can protectthat going forward, which is by practicing clear communication. Damned if Iknow why that seems to be so hard for most of us! What should be so easy andobvious can actually be so obfuscated.
The next time, instead of speculating about something — how aboutsimply asking things like:
I’m notsure I understand what you are saying here.
I’d loveit if you could clarify what you mean by that.
I don’twant to misunderstand your intention here. What did you mean when you said…?
I’d loveto talk with you about how I’m feeling about this and would love to hear howyou are as well.
Speculating falls into the same wasted energy category of saying thingslike, I’m fine (when we’re not). I look forward to seeing you (when wedon’t) or when we run off into our corners, angry or hurt by something we mayhave completely misconstrued.
I’m adopting a promise to self about being truly mindful of my words. If I don’t have time to communicate thoughtfully, the communication will have to wait.
Trust, me it takes way too long to unravel a communication gone wrong. If I feel hurt or disappointed by something, I’m going to take action steps on behalf of myself. Again, I’m going to be conscious of my words — are they the truth, are they helpful and loving (to myself and others), are they of benefit, are they coming from my Best Self? If not, why? What are they trying to reveal to me? Where am I being asked to look deeper? What am I being asked to let go of or walk away from?
Oftentimes the simplest of shifts in our awareness can result inthe most monumental of impacts. The more you listen, the more you hear…and thequicker you arrive back to your center.
Find your resets and hold them tight. Witness where life is calling you. You may not have access to mountain walks, but you can find your equivalents…trust me. The truth is that after living in cities around the world most of my life, the last thing I wanted was to end up in a small, rural town in the mountains. Dramatic life events, upheaval and the need for a lot of healing led me here even when I didn’t even realize what was unfolding. The moment I ceased from resisting was the moment I began to exhale. Trust life. Trust yourself. There is no perfect path other than the one you choose. And remember, home is where the healing is. Does this feed my healing, feeling and thriving, or not? That’s the story I want to focus on now.
Have you ever caught yourself amidst the drama, speculation, emotional chaos and nonsense of the stories that don’t belong to you? What’s your reset — how do you pull yourself out and place yourself back into your own? Please share with us how you call yourself out on this in the comments below.