The New Year’s Setup (And How to Avoid a Fail)
Photograph by Joanna Kosinska
Inspired by all the unmet new year’s resolutions, I issued myself a ‘hall pass’ from it all and mustered the courage to act upon that
_______
You don’t change the world simply by looking at it. You change it through the way you choose to live in it.
~ From the film The Aeronauts
Isn’t it ironic that at a time when many of us are feeling abit drained, rundown and over-indulged from the holiday excesses — we aresupposed to rev up, go big and declare bold intentions for the new year? Andthen we are supposed to take ownership of our ‘word’ for the year. What’syour word? What’s your word? (As if it was a test to see if I was payingattention and could choose precisely the right one!) I scramble nonetheless.
Meanwhile, truthfully, I feel like I’ve set myself up for afall (yet again) before starting and maybe you do too. UGH. Did I misssomething in between?
Now before I start to sound like the Grinch who stoleChristmas (or the New Year)…part of the reason I am feeling the funk is becauseI care so much and I want to do it all. I am excited about journaling myintentions, setting goals, meditating, exercising more, and filling my days withall the exciting things that fuel me (and finding my ‘word’). Trust me, I’vesigned up for it all.
My desk is piled with books, programs, and the best ofintentions. My mind just sighs as she glances around and says, Yeah, that’sall good. But how exactly are you going to do all that? Good point. I’mnot.
Despite signing up for programs that launched on January 1,where we could seize the year in collective form…week 2 into the new year, I’vetaken a pass. At first I thought I’d just catch up. Then one day turned to two.I slowly began to feel as if I had failed — I wasn’t getting my life homeworkassignment done. The young people-pleasing girl within was frantic.
Stop the merry-go-round. I want to get off.
The truth is that life will likely always feel full and takenegotiation. Balance may be a myth, but it’s worthy of some trial and error.So, this is what I’ve decided for me: I’m going to do the best I can. OnJanuary 1st, the resident teenager was still home from college and Ichose to savor those last days with him before sending him back to school. Thatmeant putting other things aside. I put the rest on hold because this is whatfed me. On the day I was meant to get back to the office, I played hookie andwent skiing with my boys…and it was glorious. It feed me too, in a differentway.
The journal is still here waiting patiently — as are thebooks I want to read, the emails I want to respond to, the creations I want tocreate. It’s all still here.
But I can’t pour from an empty pitcher and neither can you.I get incredibly inspired and excited about all the programs and protocols thatprompt us to step into our Best Selves, to ignite the spark within each of us.Wisdom is knowing when you are frazzled, over-committed and it’s simply toomuch. However, oftentimes, we ignore the inner cry.
Interestingly, it seems to be a theme in many of thearticles that I recently edited for the magazine’s latest issue. I always tellthe story of how, when I initially started Best Self Magazine, I wouldwork tirelessly to curate a ‘theme’ for each issue. This would be built aroundthe over-arching premise of the work of the feature interviewee. And I wouldalways be amazed at the synergy; how all the articles magically converged andseemed to support and reinforce one another. Then one day, I simply realizedthat it all worked together, theme or no theme, because the thru line wasshowing up for ourselves...our Best Selves.
And btw, I did in fact find my ‘word’. So after mulling thisover and being a bit tardy to the New Year’s game — I’m declaring my word for2020: COURAGE. I’ll share it with you if you want.
Courage actually means many things to me:
It takes courage to act upon your own inner wisdom; to knowwhen to say yes and when to say no…and to say it.
It takes courage to protect that and to recognize thatself-sacrifice is not sustainable.
It takes courage to heed the inner cry of your soul; what isit that you most want to do with your life? Are you an taking action step inthat direction each day?
The most courageous thing you can do is show up in thisworld as yourself.
There was a stunning line in the film, A Beautiful Day InThe Neighborhood with Tom Hanks from a scene where actor Chris Cooper declareson his deathbed, “I’m finally figuring out how to live…and I’m dying.” It struck me. I’m not saying that I’m going tofigure it all out beforehand, but surely I don’t want all my ‘ah ha’ moments toconverge in my final hours.
It takes courage to show up for your needs. To know what itis that you want to do with this precious life. To not die with your musicstill in you, as Wayne Dyer reminded us.
I show up for a lot of things in life as a mother, partner,business woman, friend, community member, etc. My life is abundant and full,but it can also become overwhelming. I get thrown off balance and get cranky. Ihave my tricks to recalibrate and get back on track…but that’s where things getsticky. Sometimes we aren’t meant to just get back on track and go with theflow.
It takes courage to recognize when your soul is actuallycalling for a pivot. Sometimes we are meant to leave routines, tasks, priorcommitments and even relationships behind. I know there are all kinds ofsaccharine sweet quotes that tell us that there is time for everything…butthere isn’t.
Wisdom is discernment. Courage is action.
So I may be a bit late to the game…but I’m excited toembrace 2020 differently. I’m not going in all guns a blazin’ as they say, butrather gently, listening to the whispers within. They tell me the truedirection in which to turn.
If you could gift yourself anything, let it be some quietspaces in between it all. Listen to what your soul is calling for. Be bold.Knock something else off your task list (even though you think it’s impossibleto do) and see what emerges. There is no formula anyone else can create foryou…just close your eyes, be still and listen. And it takes courage to hearwhat emerges.
Life isn’t meant to be something we trudge through…it is meant to be glorious within each of its incarnations. But within the context of all of that, show up and take action — even if that action is letting go. That’s courage. I’ll be saying a lot of No’s so I can say YES to some things that have been pushed aside for far too long. Are you ready to join me? That’s courage. See, I may be a bit late to the game, but I did find my word!
Have you been feeling any of this overwhelm bubbling up in your new year? Let us know how that’s playing out and how you’re dealing with it in the comments below. As you know, we learn best through the sharing of our stories…the real stories (not the social media filtered and perfected ones!) What’s yours?