I Miss God
In a time of ups, downs and plot twists sometimes we are called back to the very thing we tried to escape
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I miss God.
Stick with me a moment, this isn’t going to be a diatribe about religion, I promise. And I think this has a connection to each of us regardless of our affiliations and belief systems. It’s bigger than that. God big.
I grew up in a Catholic house where our parents shuffled us off to church each weekend in our Sunday best, rain or shine, winter spring summer or fall. And when we dared to deviate from that plan, as my sister dressed like Madonna circa 1980’s and like only a middle child could do — she was summarily sent back upstairs to change into something more ‘respectable’, as the rest of us waited in the station wagon in the driveway for her to get in line. Frankly, I didn’t think God minded, but Dad certainly did.
Today I laugh at this memory and just roll my eyes. This dance between my Dad and sister played out like clockwork. Now I don’t know about you, but growing up, I couldn’t wait until the moment when I didn’t have to go anywhere on Sunday mornings, where I could languish in pajamas and no one could tell me what to do. No bossy parents! I hated when my parents picked me up early from a sleepover with my best friend. I always had to depart as the matzoh brei wafted throughout the house and I was being carted off to God.
Skipping ahead a few years, I kept my promise. I stopped going to church every Sunday.
Now that didn’t mean I broke up with God, that would never happen — our relationship just morphed a bit (OK, maybe a lot). But life sure has ebbed and flowed throughout the decades.
It suddenly hit me the other day...I miss God and I feel like our fractured world does too. Not to be overly dramatic, but it feels like we are a little morally bankrupt and disconnected at the moment. Let me explain...
Sure, going to church each Sunday as a kid was ‘annoying’ but I’m really grateful that my parents gave me something to believe in and hold onto — a foundation, a base, something to stand upon. God isn’t about the place you find him/her, it was about the family, tradition, holidays, memories, sense of community, desire to help and serve, connection, values, gratitude, divinity, respect, faith.
Of course, I loved our holidays with Easter baskets laden with chocolate bunnies and our Christmas house transformed with twinkly lights and sparkly packages beneath the tree, but religion in our house made us think of ways to help other people — to initiate random acts of kindness — to be accountable for our actions and words and to strive to grow up and be our Best Selves. We looked for ways to be helpers.
It's funny (and astoundingly difficult to fathom) because I think I am now the age my parents were when they were shuffling us off to Church on Sundays.
While I know that God isn’t found solely in a building — within pews, behind stained glass, through clouds of incense or in a church, temple, mosque, etc. — and that God can be accessed at any point and time...I feel like we have drifted apart. I see it all around me. We have been desensitized...as if God was diluted.
Life has been complicated the past few years. For many it’s been fear-inducing, divisive, polarizing and isolating. Little by little the pandemic kept us home and from convening in houses of worship. Some watched services on TV, but even this was soon replaced with nothing as routines and God faded away. Bit by bit we forgot this connection to something bigger than ourselves, something that filled our soul and inspired us to be better, do better, want better
Don’t get me wrong, I talk to God all the time — and I tell myself that’s good enough. Is it? I’m fortunate enough to live in the beauty of the Catskill Mountains where my nervous system is regularly soothed by Mother Nature’s glory. I’m grateful to collaborate with thought leaders across the globe for Best Self Magazine who keep me on my toes striving to be better today than yesterday in body, mind and spirit — to honor this vessel. Even still, maybe we could all use a little spiritual intake or reset?
This isn’t about dogma, doctrine or making you go anywhere...especially on Sunday mornings (wink). I’m just wondering if you might be feeling a little disconnected too? If so, what could we do to shift that? It feels like there is a void that we keep trying to fill with the wrong things that is keeping us running in circles.
Interestingly, the mere mention of religion triggers a lot of people and can drudge up all kinds of negative associations. I know a friend of mine who couldn’t listen to a meditation merely because of the mention of the word ‘God’. I know she isn’t alone.
Yet, God shows up in many flavors; holding the door for a stranger, picking up a discarded piece of trash, a passing smile, putting your shopping cart back in the parking lot, an anonymous gift or donation for someone in need, shoveling a neighbor’s sidewalk of snow, showing up without being asked, leaving an unexpected large tip for waitstaff in a restaurant, walking a sick friend’s dog or preparing a meal. Kindness is contagious. Getting out of our own way...not so much.
There are myriad simple gestures that needn’t cost you a lot of time or money that can be inserted into your already over-taxed and scheduled day, that will bring you great fulfillment.
As our days grow longer and lighter and we begin to emerge from the winter months, consider what you can do to shift the energy of your days, life, being...and God void. Out with the old and in with the new. Allow yourself to replace a little time in your day with something that feeds your soul. Be playful as you explore and witness how it makes you feel — plant healthier seeds in your life and watch what grows in that garden. Ask God to guide you.
For me...I’m pledging to drink a little less red wine, watch a little less Netflix (UGH, I know), less mindless scrolling through social media, less worrying and working — and lean into more grounding — feet ono the ground, breathing, reading, meditating, praying, stillness, playfulness, handwritten notes to people just because, finding ways to surprise friends and neighbors with small kindnesses, more awareness and presence of being — and to get out of my head and back into my heart — to embody more God. Think of it as a little scientific (or spiritual) experiment. Observe and take note of your findings.
Each morning when I first awaken, as I’m just rolling out of bed, I always whisper, “Good Morning God.”
But I think I’m going to amp up my efforts a bit more and anchor in some gratitude. Thank you for another day. Thank you for another opportunity to show up and make a difference. Thank you for my health, this strong body, this sweet furry little puppy snoring beside me, my house filled with love, access to good food, good people, good life, the desire to create and be more...and the list goes on. Something tells me that once you get started, the same will be true for you.
Maybe it will lead you to a house of worship or a reunion with childhood memories or a new way of connecting with your higher source (maybe all of it).
We find our hearts, our spirituality and our God in our present moments of thanks and self-reflection. Where do you find God? What gives you goosebumps, makes you feel alive and good about who you are in this world? More of that please! Go forth and find the God within (and outside you) my dear friends.
Are you missing God? I’d love to hear your thoughts on the subject. Please share with me in the comments below how this resonated with you and what your experience has been.