Trust: The True Homecoming of Self
Me, age 4, Austin, TX
Finding our way home is seeing who we are at our purest essence and trusting it enough to show up and stand in its truth
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I’ve loved this picture of myself for as long as I can remember(and I don’t say that very often). Do you have a photo like that fromchildhood? Sadly, most of us simply don’t allow ourselves to sink into any formof adult self-admiration — to tape up a picture on the refrigerator to admire.We walk by mirrors or see snapshots of ourselves and all we see are flaws andaging…what’s wrong, what could be better, what needs to be fixed…not whatalready is, and is glorious btw.
As a lover of images, I catch myself doing this number onmyself regularly. It dawned upon me recently that in doing so, we future-trip righton by the joy. Trust me, the future self will see a photo of the current selfwith deep appreciation. We are completely missing the boat with all thisflaw-pointing-out.
But as usual, I digress because what I really want to talkabout is trust.
Though this particular photo is precious to me for many reasons — and no, it’s not just the sweet little smile, the ambitious pose or the cute bathing suit.
It is the pure essence that she exudes…the excitement for life, the joy…the trust.
The truth is that she was probably just ‘being a good girl’.And my father likely told me to get up there and pose for the camera. And Iobliged. Oh, how I wish I could go back and sit down with her. Have you everfelt that?
People regularly ask me, Who would you be most excited tointerview? It’s her.
Imagine going back to your youngest self before the worldjaded him or her, before being dulled by judgments, fears, limited-thinking andburdens of others — before having the bubble of possibility popped. What didthat version of you believe? I’d certainly like to scoop some of that back up. Hey,give that back! No one said you could take that from me. But they did.
I know I trusted life. I trusted my safety. I trusted my parents…soI did what they said, cute poses and all. But no one ever spoke of trustingmyself. Hello?
It’s like missing your junior year of college, yet being givenyour degree and graduating. I’ve spent a lifetime finding my way home,reclaiming the shards of that young girl’s joyous being and developing thetools to understand how to listen to myself. The reality is that when we don’thave the tools to trust ourselves…well, we don’t.
But the good news is that version of you still exists,albeit likely buried far, far away. For me, she is wise beyond her years, yet wasignored. As adults we are directed to run in circles, looking for something wealready have. We seek answers from others, we look to therapists, psychics,astrological charts, healers, books, ceremonies, meditate, self-medicate, detox,etc. — all in the name of reclaiming and homecoming. And while anything thatcalms us is an act of self-love and self-care, the buck doesn’t stop there.
We simply can’t reclaim something outside of ourselves that already resides within. It’s why I always say we don’t need to be saved, we need to be seen.
But you can’t be seen by another if you don’t see yourself first — if you don’t make it a safe environment to emerge into.
Our conditioning and the world around us, sends us messages throughoutlife that we need to play small, don’t rock the boat, go with the flow. Wedownload that to mean, It’s scary out there. Be careful. Hide. You can’ttrust anyone.
Whether you want to step into this or not, know that you aredivine. You are special and you have something unique to bring to the world. Don’tmisconstrue it to look one way. It doesn’t have to be a groundbreakingtechnological development or an award-winning performance in a film. Your giftmay simply be stepping fully into your Best Self — to living vibrantly and withease. Was there something that lit you up or excited you as a child that you’vepushed aside? Something you loved to do? Do you remember what it is?
I wanted to be Diane Sawyer, the acclaimed televisionjournalist. And yet, for the majority of my life I did everything but movetowards that. I got pulled in other directions, eventually forgot that I lovedto write…and abandoned the happy-go-lucky self.
Many years and many dramatic life chapters stand between meand that cutie on the diving board who was enthusiastically ready to dive inand seize each day of her life. She got shoved to the back of the closet somany times, buried in the myths my wounded ego told itself — hidden away for solong that her whispers to my soul were barely audible. That is until theyreminded me to write again…write your way out of your pain, just write.
I believe we wander so we can find our way home again.
I have misplaced my trust time after time throughout the decades of my life simply because I didn’t know how to stand in my own truth and claim it — despite who may have liked it or not. And spoiler alert: there will be people who don’t.
Far too often we package ourselves to suit the needs ofothers, to make ourselves more palatable, to fit in and make others feel better.That strategy is only sustainable for so long — then something’s got to give. Whatif we all agreed to tap back into the purest essence of who we once were so wecould restore ourselves? What if we could trust that what is calling us shouldbe honored not ignored?
Life will provide the layers. It’s your job to provide theexcavation team. Again, it needn’t be a cataclysmic shake-up (but bring it onif you feel called to bust-a-move). It can be gentle and quiet and sacred.
Dig through an old photo album, find that picture ofyourself that you love, tape it up. Admire it. Connect to it. Sit with it.Allow yourself to remember what you have programmed yourself to forget. Trustwhat comes up. I would actually encourage you to spend some time writing itdown.
This is something that’s been coming up for me lately. Wecan get tricky with ourselves…saying things like, yeah, yeah, yeah…I know thatalready. But the act of sitting with that notebook or journal and allowingwords to pour from your soul is an active acknowledgement, a love letter ofsorts to self. You might be very surprised what comes up — surprised and grateful.
Spend some time in contemplation. If you don’t have ameditation practice, go for a walk alone in nature. Just ask to see what needsto be seen.
I think so many of us abandon ourselves and our healing (or even the belief that it is possible) along the way, simply because it seems overwhelming, there isn’t a clear roadmap or we think it will take years and tons of money.
But it isn’t so. Life can shift with one new idea, vision, promise to self.
No one loves a good healing session or modality ofself-nurturing more than me. However, it can all begin with a single statement,I see you.
See yourself.
Love yourself.
Trust yourself.
Trust that you know what is best for you. All you need to dois go back in and ask. Trust that you can come home again because no one knowswhat you need more than you do. Are you ready to listen?
All the world is made of faith, and trust, and pixie dust.
― J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan
Is there an aspect of your life where it’s difficult totrust yourself? Is something calling to you, that you are trying to ignore? Letus know how that’s impacting you and how you navigate it. Please share in thecomments below. It’s where all the good stuff emerges!