Making Peace & Idiot Compassion
Making peace with everything isn’t the answer
Albert Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Been there done that a few times whether it’s been in relationship to others or myself. ‘Idiot Compassion,’ a term I came across while reading Lodro Rinzler’s book, Walk Like A Buddha, drove it home for me recently. And let’s face it — one doesn’t typically see words like ‘idiot’ and ‘compassion’ in the same sentence — so it certainly got my attention. It’s when we try to make peace with that which we needn’t make peace with, forcing a square peg into a round hole. In other words, going against the grain of our own intuitive good sense.In the book, the example used is having a friend who is in an abusive relationship, experiencing a great deal of suffering, breaking up, making up – repeat. Idiot Compassion is doling out superficial support, not speaking our truth and not conveying what we see. End of story. They may or may not want to hear it, but how does it feel to not say what you really feel and to witness the same ‘ol, same ‘ol? Let’s turn the tables here on ourselves — where does this apply when it comes to us?
Idiot Compassion with self is a form of betrayal.
It is denying feelings, sugarcoating emotions with platitudes, rushing the process and/or pretending. And FYI, we do it all the time, often without even noticing.Life isn’t all about making peace with everything and everyone. That’s not a benchmark for being a good person. It’s about making peace with self, which means recognizing the ‘repeats’ — the repeated behavior that trips us up and triggers us. I know one thing for sure: when I betray my inner voice and seek outwardly for solutions, or when I attempt to ‘pretend’ it away, like it never happened — I’m ultimately going to find myself back at square one, even more frustrated.I got my feathers in a kerfuffle (love that word) last week. Anger set in. I was in a huff. And I was looking for the target to blame it on. Finger point. Finger point. Finger point —to no avail — couldn’t really blame this one on anyone else, try as I might. Clearly, I wasn’t really angry at the immediate circumstances, those were just the instigators — it was deeper. In those moments, I literally start by asking myself, Self, What’s up? What’s beneath all of this? Sometimes Self responds, Hey, would you mind leaving me alone, I’m mid-hissy fit. We can move onto all of this ZEN stuff in a bit. Indulge me. I fester. I need to be right.
We get where we get, when we can. My work was about going inward. At the end of the day, that’s the only place you will ever find your true solutions and inner peace.
I don’t know why that seems so difficult sometimes — when it’s right there, accessible to you at all times. I needed to figure out why I had been sparked and what internal housekeeping had I left unattended. And in the heat of that moment, the goal really wasn’t to make myself feel better instantly, it was simply to feel what I was feeling. Then and only then can you truly identify the source and truly feel better, not slapping-a-Band-Aid-on kind of better.Have you ever realized how quick we are to not feel what’s unfolding? Feeling badly? Take some emotional Advil. Numb the pain. Goal: Move through it as quickly as possible. That’s kind of the way we are programmed by society. That’s also why many of us are set on the emotional spin cycle.Look, I consider myself a seeker. I want to grow. I want to learn. I want my spiritual life to expand. I love new information. I try to stay open to receive the messages I am ready to process. I read books, I listen to podcasts, I support others in the field of self-development. I meditate. I light candles, drink green juices, have crystals and mala beads. But where we fall short is in trying to rush the process. Healing isn’t about instant gratification. It isn’t about showing up at the right events, surrounding ourselves with every self-help book, candle or card deck. It’s about putting practice into place. Not rushing the process — there is no forward without first going through.When we are getting in our own way, we need to take ownership of that. When I was getting mad, it was just a red flag that I was missing something about ME. The other details were irrelevant. We find ourselves in the same types of situations over and over again. Maybe that shows up in your love relationships, your work or most importantly, your relationship to self. What are your beliefs about yourself?If only our ‘stuff,’ our emotional baggage, could quietly compost itself. Nope – that stuff, left to its own devices, only becomes landfill. So, it’s best to get to work.We need to have compassion for our journey, for the life lessons we came here to learn and for the process. But come on, we don’t need to apply idiot compassion to ourselves, or others, when we know better.
Go inward and have a little chat with Self.
Meditate, sit quietly, go for a walk in nature — simply remove yourself from whatever it is that is distracting you. Me, myself and I are the only ones responsible for my inner peace. Life isn’t all peace, love and ‘let’s pretend this incident never happened’ — it’s about taking compassionate action steps...right on towards your best self. S/he’s waiting and rooting you on.Where does your idiot compassion show up? Chat me up in the comments below!