The Need To Be Right

At What Cost Comes the Need To Be Right?

What does ‘right’ mean anyway? Translation: I’m going to argue with you, bat you over the head and prove my point until the cows come home…or at least until you agree with me.

Nothing in life comes for free. Every day, with every choice made, something is affected by that decision – a cosmic cause and effect. That doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a negative, but it doesn’t necessarily mean it isn’t.

Being ‘right’ can be a seductive, naughty behavior of the ego. It’s the same as with a good bag of crunchy kettle potato chips (feel free to replace with your own food vice) — you are pretty much hooked at first bite. There really is no such thing as eating 3 chips, and there really is no such thing as flexing the ‘I need to be right’ muscle in one aspect of your life and not witnessing its expansion into other areas. Once we head down that path, the rest is history…so get ready for a remorse hangover.We are human and with that comes messiness. Perhaps it’s the result of slacking off in the self-care department. In some cases it is an internal cry for help. Whatever the situation may be – we are where we are at any given moment and self-chastising won’t help things. It’s like telling someone to ‘calm down’ in the heat of the moment, or to give back that bag of chips! Not happening.Recently, the ‘ol need to be right syndrome snuck into my world, my house…ok, fine, I’ll admit it — specifically into me. The circumstances are not important — the details rarely are – it is what they reflect back at us that is important. Because underneath that persistent bugger of a behavior is a deeper emotion that seems so fundamental and juvenile, we tend to dismiss it, carrying on business as usual.I got mad at my family and then decided to beat my point to death, resurrect it and beat it again for good measure. I can laugh now as I write about the experience as if it were someone else’s. However, truth be told – it was a colossal waste of our precious family time and took a toll on the overall energy within the house.You see, when I begin to head down that path – my ‘best self’ parks herself on the sidelines and waits out the storm (she wants nothing to do with that party — smart girl). I always circle back around from my anger, but then feel deeply remorseful for lashing out, for any words I let slip from my mouth against my better judgment. It’s kind of like when your dog sheepishly saunters back towards you with the cutest eyes ever, having just chewed your brand new handbag in the room.

The need to be right is a downright drag and interferes with everything: healthy communication, trust, internal balance and all-around happiness.

Both giver and receiver feel its sting – no one escapes. And it’s not discriminating – it can show up in your professional relationships, personal ones and of course in the mirror, with self. There’s nothing that feels good about hurting others — and sometimes that other is you. When we refuse to see things differently, or stubbornly repeat unproductive behavior, we turn the tables on ourselves and become our own greatest punishers.Clean up is critical. Owning up to your role in things, taking accountability, is truly the only way out – however, it doesn’t really make it go away. We can kiss and make up, but our psychic energy has taken a hit, paid the toll, and needs to recover.Our evolution is to rise higher in ourselves, to be connected to our greatest potential.What are your stripped-down, underlying need to be right emotions at play? Here are a few that came up for me, do any of these resonate with you?

• You hurt my feelings
• I’m not being heard
• My opinion doesn’t matter
• You’re ganging up against me

Yes, I’ll admit – I sound about 6 years old here, but this is about summoning unattended hurts. Usually, the situation that triggered the flare-up had little to do with what’s really going on.This is why meditation is so powerful. In the stillness, everything becomes clear. It is where I hear truth. It is where I allow the feelings that I dismiss to come to the surface. It is where I allow the space to feel raw, exposed, and not totally buttoned up. It is where I ask for help – sometimes in utter frustration and tears.Curbing your emotions PRE-freak out can help you find a different way:

• Identify the triggers in your life that ignite your need to be right – and call out the underlying feelings
• Recognize if there’s a path you have walked before that you no longer wish to revisit

I spent half of the POST-freak out day cleaning things up. My words were much clearer. I was able to express my needs and explain myself like a sane being, rather than a raving lunatic. Point being — those very same communication tools could have come in handy before the whole scene went down.You are a precious, sparkly, worthy being of amazingness. Your greatest gift to self is your inner work. We don’t need to be right – we need to be our best selves.

“Next time you feel the need to be right, try being kind instead.”

~Wayne Dyer