Surrender: Heeding the Call, Resisting Resistance
There’s no time like the present to let go of resistance. Our physical bodies call attention to our emotional and spiritual needs — a call we must heed
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Surrender.
It sounds like a nice enough word (for other people ofcourse!). Personally, I don’t like it very much. Yes, I hear the Universelaughing at me as I type these words, but still.
I’m a doer, a fixer, a creator...not a surrender-er. And ofcourse I also get that that isn’t necessarily a noble trait.
I write to you from a state of ‘surrender’ and one in whichI am being forced to administer a bit of my own best self medicine, that I sofrequently dole out to others — to myself.
This past week I had lots of plans that included things likework deadlines, filming, promotions, events and self-care. I had it all mappedout — until it all got derailed by an eye infection. Now I know that an eyeinfection doesn’t compare to a slew of more serious or chronic illnesses, butregardless, it was debilitating and brought about great vulnerability in me. Byday two, it pretty much rocked my world.
What is that saying? We make plans and God laughs.
And when I do something, I go big. So my condition emergedin the worst case scenario range. I’ll spare you the gory details, but sufficeit to say — no one would want to look at this, so there was no leaving thehouse, no filming, no events, no Friday night dinner date out at our favoritelocal café with my love. Nope, none of it, nada. Enter great frustration andself-pity.
Oh yeah and…surrender…deep sigh.
Now, I always take a holistic approach with anything that’sgoing on in my life. I’ve come too far in this ‘personal development’ journeyto ignore the fact that when something is going on physically…something is alsogoing on emotionally or spiritually. Nothing is random and there is no suchthing as coincidence in my book.
Louise Hay says that eye issues represent, “Not liking whatyou see in your own life.” Hmmm.
Now, Louise, there may be some truth to that, but I don’thave time to deal with that right now. I’ll get back to you on that one.HA!
Yeah, but that’s not how any of it works.
The physical manifestation of some dis-EASE is your soul screaming for your attention.
Are there some things I’m not liking in my own life, or not seeing? Quite likely.
Life ebbs and flows and we need to go with it. Things shiftand change and we need to be willing to see it — not muscle through it and makeit work. AND, we have to heed the call in real time, not ‘our’ time.
Another biggie: we don’t have to have the answers whiledoing it. We just need to be willing to give ourselves a break — to feel andcreate space to reveal and heal. So I settled in, I put my comfiest sweat pantson, cancelled plans, rescheduled the calendar and stayed home. I didn’t leavethe house and called on my reinforcements: some meditation, prayer, readinginspiring words, tapping, nourishing food, sitting by the fireplace…and justbeing.
So, I did that all the first day, but what about second? I’mgood. Can we check that one off the list and move on? Not so fast. And tothink that my body had the audacity to not be magically healed, in factit was worse on day two…I began to feel distraught.
Surrendering to going to the doctor and taking antibioticswas already hard enough for me…but this slow grind to healing was a completelyother thing. I was in tears as I called the doctor on-call early one morning. Whileshe sympathized with me, she said, it’s all running its course.
Running its course?
I know it sounds ridiculous to think that I should expect myhealing to be miraculous and in my own time…but we want what we want when wewant it, right? Can you blame a girl for trying?
This lump in my eye feels stuck. I feel stuck. Somethingsgot to give eventually. Isn’t it amazing how life presents you such physicalmetaphors for your experience?
Part of my surrender is not only in asking the questions,but in giving it the time to unfold...as with life. This large lump may releasetoday or within days…I have no idea, but I have to let that scheduling go andalso pay attention to what else may emerge along with it.
I did surrender to the change of schedule quite easily. Ican still sit at my desk and do what I love…write. I can still sit and readthings that feed me. And I am grateful that I work from home so I’m not missingout on commitments at the office. And you know what? The world around me hasn’tfallen apart…in fact, it may just be opening a new door.
And in all of this, I also realize that the most importantcommitment is to myself. So instead of freaking out about what it’s preventingme from doing…I’m trying to embrace what it is allowing me to do — some deeperpersonal work I’ve been side-stepping.
Our health is everything…everything.
Every morning when we awaken we need to thank our bodies and every night before we drift off to sleep on our pillows, the same.
I believe that our bodies are working overtime to heal themselves and help us remain as strong as possible — provided we show up and lend a little support.
I share this little feeling-sorry-for-myself tale as a way ofletting you know that you are not alone when something knocks you off course,when something feels stuck or falls out of whack — when your physical bodystops you in your tracks and says, Hey, pay attention to me. We’ve got somewisdom to share and some work to do.
The signs come in myriad forms. Read the signs along theway, it’ll make for a more peaceful life road trip.
Nurture yourself through your experiences. Refrain fromfrustration and resistance, it only brings forth more of the same. Sit quietlyand ask yourself, what’s coming up, what do I need to see, what have I beenignoring? Breathe that in…and surrender. I know, it’s not just for otherpeople — it’s for all of us.
For now, I’m leaning on my tools. Lean on yours, acquiresome more, ask for help…and most of all, listen to what your body, mind andsoul are trying to beckon your attention to. Deep restorative sigh…surrender.
Honor the space between no longer and not yet
Nancy Levin
P.S. And when we bear our truths, our people gather around to hold us up. I’ve been surrounded by loving comments and even some token gifts like dark chocolate with ginger and a medicinal herb to support eye-health. Now that’s what I call winning! Be a little gift fairy in someone else’s life when you can. I can’t even begin to tell you what salve for the soul that is (for both the giver and receiver).
And now YOU…where do you need to surrender in your life? Where could you see your own signs along the path before your physical body comes a knockin’? Please share with us in the comments below.