How Do You Want To Feel…Can It Really Be That Simple?
New year’s resolutions can feel like we’re setting ourselves up for a fall — but deciding how you want to feel can create unstoppable life momentum
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How do you want to feel? I’m serious.
I doubt anyone will answer, like S#%T!
But what happens?
Visions of fresh clean slates and do-overs dance in ourheads at the start of a new year — and then reality sets back in (and there’s areason). Maybe you’ve broken some promises to self already. Maybe you’ve alreadythrown in the towel and are back to your old ways. Maybe it just feels too hard(sometimes it is).
The bottom line is that fresh starts, whether they areJanuary 1st or today, require your showing up (again and again)...andit’s worth it!
On new year’s eve my family wrote down the things we wantedto leave behind in 2018 on a piece of paper. We then proceeded to fold them upand toss them into our roaring fireplace. POOF! Out of sight out of mind. Andwhile the exercise in itself felt empowering, some things aren’t that easy to justdo away with.
Most of us have been practicing the same ol’, same ol’limited thinking in some aspect of our life for so long that we feel like it’salmost a part of us. It can be, but it doesn’t have to be this way.
Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not trying to discourage youfrom thinking you can’t break free from the clutches of your limited thinking.To the contrary, I want to set you up for a BIG win. I want you to seewhat’s been holding you back, recognize its sneaky tricks and to create ways toset your best self free in an impactful and lasting way. Hey, we’re allwaiting for you to unleash your gorgeousness.
I had all kinds of plans for the year ahead. My mind wasswirling with ideas and inspirations until I hit a slight bump in the road rightout of the new year’s gate — and began to feel derailed. That’s the way thosewell-engrained patterns of ours work. They are tricky buggers!
And mark my words, I don’t like when things don’t go my way any more than the next person.
I’ve had many things not go my way in this lifetime, so I’ve had a little practice.
But I’ve also had many moments when I realized that my perception of what wasn’t going my way was in fact guiding me to something far better than I could imagine.
So even though I may not like it when things don’t goaccording to my plans and timing and even when I can’t see the forest for thetrees — I now respond to it all very differently than I once did.
Previously, I would get depressed about it. And though thewind can fall from my sails, I don’t allow that to steer the ship. NOPE. It mayirritate me or shake me, but I just ask, What am I missing? What am Isupposed to be seeing here? And can you please hurry it up!
For the most part when things don’t work out, they weren’t meant to.
When we force it, when we resist, when we make it happen — it usually produces something that doesn’t meet our expectations.
The key thing to remember is that Rome wasn’t built in aday. So don’t expect your best self to be able to solve all the problems ofyour world in one either. I think we get lost when we can’t see the floor planfor it all before us. I’m not suggesting that we walk aimlessly through life,I’m suggesting that we become aware of the cues sprinkled all about and startpicking them up. When we learn to trust in ourselves and the timing of life,we can get where we need to go faster and without unnecessary chaos.
Where is life trying to lead you?
Is there a dream that lays dormant somewhere? A careerchange that needs to come forth? A relationship that needs ending — a partnerthat needs finding? A financial win that needs to be claimed? A state of healthand wellbeing that needs accessing? A creative pursuit that needs activating? There’sprobably something (or many somethings) calling to you.
You haven’t been abandoned or missed out on anything — otherthan the cues, signs, messages you are likely ignoring. Success isn’t just forothers. People aren’t ‘lucky’, they create luck. They walk in luck. They knowhow to stay aligned with that. They continue to show up. Isn’t that what youwant? I know I do.
I recently had plans for a new business idea. We’d beenworking away at it over here in the offices of Best Self Media for months,filming, writing, editing, dreaming. Putting forth a new creative baby can feeltenuous at best. When an initial outreach surrounding the project didn’t goexactly as planned, it felt like a hit. It felt like a failure — in march the oldpatterns.
And while I know that is a million percent absurd — we feelwhat we feel because we are human and emotional and there is so much attachedto our human experience. Some seek validation from others. Some steep inperfectionism. The reality is that my discouragement had nothing to do with theprogram and rather, everything to do with me. Darn. This life journey is notfor the faint of heart.
Going back to what I said earlier, I’m not happy when Idon’t get what I want. But I sat with my disappointment and didn’t let it takeover.
Don’t let a fear of failure stop you. Even if you don’t know what to do with it, be with it.
Allow your feelings to emerge around it, but don’t allow them to take over. You’re not a failure because something changes course. Be the person that you’d be for a friend — for yourself. Would you tell a friend they’re a failure? Of course not. You’d probably rally with the most epic pep talk, ever. Do that, be that for YOU.
Whether it’s about a business idea or a personal goal, bringyour whole self along for the ride. Allow yourself to experience it and becognizant of not only what comes up in the process — declare how you want tofeel. Put the words out into the world and give them flight. When we shareour vision with our tribe (i.e. our dreamkeepers), suddenly there is windbeneath our wings.
Look, I need the reminder so much I had my friend Luciapaint me a rock declaring it, inspired by my interview with Danielle LaPorte.Call in your reinforcements when needed.
And if you don’t know where to start — no sweat. Go back towhat you know does work for you. It doesn’t have to cost a thing. Pullthat book off the shelf. Hit the meditation cushion. Take that walk. Scribblein that journal.
More than anything, I want to feel peaceful and fulfilled. Forme, I had to get back to basics: prayer, meditation, lighting candles, workingout, writing. I also want to feel inspired, aligned, free and empowered — but Iwon’t feel any of those things if I’m not looking at myself and my lifeholistically, body, mind and spirit.
Usually when one thing feels out of alignment, others followsuit. When my jeans are too tight, it’s not time to buy a bigger size — it’stime to reassess my self-care. Jeans don’t lie.
When something doesn’t go my way, it opens my mind to newways to approach it. Even when I don’t know what they are immediately, answersalways unfold. Stay flexible. Stay open to receive. Don’t fall prey to thetendency to self-medicate with busyness or denial (or anything else).
What’s one thing you know you can shift to put yourself backon track?
We’ve each got a responsibility to bring our gifts to theworld — to seize this life and leave our mark. And maybe you’ve been denyingthem for so long that you’ll need a bit of time figuring it all out. And if youmissed the mark January 1, just seize the most important day — today.
Life isn’t all about succeeding by material benchmarks and collecting accolades — it’s about trusting the timing and staying the course. It’s about loving yourself, others and this gorgeous planet of ours. In order to find our place in it, we need to show up and figure out how we want to feel in it…and in our own skin. Connect to your feelings, the rest is cake.
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P.S. The candle I lit in my office had an intention on thelabel that I wanted to share with you (because I wish it for you too!):
May abundance of goodness flow freely into my life. Allow me to be receptive to the treasures that present themselves, enriching my life’s journey.
Happy New Year dear Best Selfers, let me know how you want to feel. How are you handling your resolutions, promises and dreams — stepping in or side-stepping? Looking in or turning away? Share it in the comments below so we can hold each other’s hands through the journey.