Breaking The Code of Silence: The Healing Power of Knowing We Are Not Alone

Sharing our truths can provide the opportunity for great healing

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Have you ever held back on sharing something because you were embarrassed or ashamed? You’re not alone. Life isn’t all stellar accolades and accomplishments and yet, that’s pretty much all we feel safe to bring forth.

You can run, but you can’t hide…well, at least not forever. Besides, that’s exhausting anyway. I’m getting better at outsmarting myself, cutting off my not-so-good habits at the pass before they assume control. I’ve worked my butt off to get here — and I can see there is no ‘graduating’ in my near future (Ha).I’ve got patterns, limited thinking and all kinds of default settings that I’ve leaned on most of my life. And as they say, old habits fit like gloves. But I say, it’s time to take the gloves off.You’ve likely got your own special settings as well. It’s how we’ve survived along the way to avoid the pain and discomfort of our true experience. Have you paid attention?

We’re not supposed to suffer in silence.

We’re supposed to show up; for our own life experiences and to help others. Somehow we insist upon forgetting that what connects us to one another (and heals the wounded parts of us) — is found within the sharing of our true experience, not walking around telling one another, ‘I’m fine’. That only widens the gap of our ability to go deeper with our own emotional healing and broadens the cavern of truth-telling. We worry about what others will think. We worry that they will judge us. We worry that we should be ‘over’ our wounding by now. We worry that we’ll never live up to our potential. But hiding out in a corner doesn’t solve anything. It keeps us in the spin cycle, attempting to protect ourselves with callouses.

Our collective stories and experience can be the greatest textbooks of life. But with every shameful story stuffed away, we bypass the chance to expand and connect — a missed opportunity slipped through our fingers.

There’s no way to avoid life’s disappointments, setbacks and hiccups. None of us is immune. And yet, perusing social media, most of the lives of others seem quite polished and perfected. That’s no newsflash for sure. We know that’s not real…and yet, we allow it to suck us down the vortex of self-pity anyway. Why, because honestly we’re a bit addicted to our own suffering (we’ve practiced it for so long) and well — we don’t know how to do it differently...so we don’t.We’re also more likely to show up for others than for ourselves. It’s easier than asking for help. It’s certainly easier than bearing our vulnerable spots. But within that practice, we distance ourselves from even knowing what we want — denial isn’t a free ticket, there’s always a price to pay.Connection will set us free. Truth-telling will set us free and sharing the truth will heal us. Examples of this have been playing out all around me like nods of acknowledgement from the Universe. When we know we are not alone in our experiences, we ease into the exhale — the place where we can release our tense muscles and breathe in possibility.So why don’t we tell each other the truth more willingly? I’m embarrassed. I’m lost. I’m furious. I’m hurt. I’m feeling unworthy. Whatever it may be.I received an overwhelming response to the last blog about feeling like life was stuck in limbo. It wasn’t because it was my most polished prose, it was because it was real and it was vulnerable…and it connected. It connected because, my story is your story is our story (with a few detail changes).I was so grateful for the connection and the outreaches I received as I unfolded my pain points. It helped me know I wasn’t alone. It helped me to know it resonated with others. It reminded me that we can commune in all of life’s experiences; in celebration, in sadness and even in shame. The act of expression didn’t negate my feelings, but I found solace in relating to others. Not in a misery loves company way, but rather one that helped uplift me with possibility.

I’m on a personal mission to claim my authentic self, and those are no mere words.

I’m piecing together the stories of my life. I’m seeing things I never saw before, how patterns thread throughout. I’m uncovering the blind spots and uprooting the beliefs I downloaded along the way that have held me captive. But while identifying is critical, it won’t solve the problem or necessarily shift the life needle. No, we need to practice new routines and create new patterns — forging a healthy new path for ourselves.It starts with telling the truth, first to yourself and then out in the world. When we put truth-telling in motion. Though not necessarily easy at first, practice makes perfect.I’m putting a promise in place to no longer suffer in silence. I’m laying down that load. Will you join me?Imagine a world not devoid of pain, but comforted and eased by knowing we belong to one another in shared experience...how sweeter connection will be. Now that’s something worth posting on social media!May the truth-telling begin.

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As always, I love hearing from YOU. Our shared experiences can help each other through the darkest hours. Where do you suffer in silence — and where you could you lean in an pull another out via your willingness to share your truth?