To Jump or Not to Jump | Facing Off With Fear
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Facing fear or not, is there a right way?
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Fear is a 4-letter word that starts with ‘F’…or jumping off a cliff.To start, I’m not typically one to fall prey to peer pressure (especially when the group is a bunch of teenage boys!). So, I’m not exactly sure I would have called the decision to plunge from a cliff 30+ feet into frigid ocean waters, peer pressure. The morning of said jump, I had in fact emphatically declared to a friend over coffee that I had absolutely no desire to ever do that. (Note to self, never say never.)So what happened between point A and point B?Let’s just say the stars seemed to align. The skies were perfectly clear and sunny, the air was hot, the water looked exhilarating. And before I knew it — words seemed to fall from my mouth, Do you think I should do it?
The minute I said it, butterflies started fluttering in my stomach. My body knew I was going to do it. Of course the group screamed a collective, YES!
I immediately started doing the math in my head: I don’t have my water shoes. I don’t have my bathing suit. I don’t want to get my shorts wet. We’re going into town afterwards. So I did what any resourceful woman who doesn’t want to get her shorts wet would do — stripped down to my bra and panties and borrowed some water shoes from the kids and began my descent to the cliff’s edge (standing there in my underwear was, in itself, enough to make me jump quickly!)There was actually a lot going on during a small span of time. One: I was terrified and trembling, not really hearing all that was being said around me. Two: The group was cajoling me. There were even other tourists who meandered by that had stopped to cheer me on, You Go Mom! My ego was being fed.Afterwards, I’m not going to lie — I was totally psyched that they had a video capturing my epic jump that I could proudly parade around. But like just about anything else in life, and especially when it comes to social media — it only documents a slice of the story.After proudly posting it, I received tons of comments, “You go girl,” “You are so brave and fierce,” “You are an inspiration,” etc. Yes, I’ll admit it took some courage to jump, but let’s be clear, it also took some stupidity. Was it really about facing fear? Perhaps slightly.
Do we need to stare fear smack in the face and jump off a cliff? Probably not.
Here’s the reality: The minute I hit the water, I hurt my back. We have since concluded that having taken what was a slight slip on rocks about 30 minutes earlier onto my tailbone and then jumping with tensed muscles — set up a perfect storm. I wasn’t listening to my body. When I think back, I wasn’t really listening to my intuition.Before jumping, one has to carefully descend to a lower ledge about 5 feet below, clutching the cliff’s side as you slither down, hugging the edge. Honestly, that was scarier than the jump itself. When I got to the ledge, my adrenaline was pumping so fiercely that I hadn’t even noticed the scrapes along my back that the rocks made upon descent. I did have the sense to crouch low and assess the situation, peering to the waves crashing below. From that point, there was no return. There was only one way out and that was down. I couldn’t believe how both of my forearms were trembling, literally shaking. Fear was in overdrive. I was witnessing my body like an out-of-body experience, as if it was curiously detached from me.This is where I got it wrong. This is where I should have sat and calmed myself a few moments, but instead got caught up in the energy of it all. Instead, I lunged in total fear. Someone later asked me, how cold was the water? The water? I was so pumped up on fear that I barely remembered the jump, never felt the temperature of the water and was only focused on the new pain in my back.I think you can see where I’m going with this. Yeah, it may have been unknowingly on my bucket list — but it is forever checked off and will not be done again (I know, I know – the never say never thing). I value my pain-free back more than that. As I write this a few weeks later, I’ve been to the chiropractor multiple times, ingested several doses of arnica, laid on ice packs, and fidgeted in my seat to find a comfortable position. UGH.
There are all kinds of associations between our emotional selves and physical manifestations.
For example, pain in the lower back is associated with feeling unsupported. What if the support had nothing to do with anyone else, but instead had to do with myself? Had I been unsupportive of myself in any way? Was I listening, really listening to the internal cues?It has made me think about how we approach our fear. Not all fear is a bad thing. Sometimes we need to be alerted to danger and things we don’t need to partake in for good reason. And yes, of course there are times where the fear itself is larger in our heads than in reality. But remember to assess your situation. Is bravery something we need to plunge into, or does it require a level of discernment?It’s not an either/or kind of thing. And here’s the best part: you get to decide. Sure there are things in our lives we need to push into because once we do, we can release ourselves from its clutches and create space for expansion. And then there are things that are merely motivated by pride, ego, and stupidity. Just do a quick sound check on your motivations. Listen to all the cues of your amazing self, the ones from your heart, your body and your inner GPS. To jump or not to jump, that is the question only you can answer and only you will live with (in my case, I’m the one dealing with the back pain).
Sometimes it is brave to not jump. Listen to that ‘ol best self of yours. My way is not the only way — your way is the best way for you.
Fear can come in many forms: challenging yourself to reach further, expressing your opinion, defending someone who needs defending, standing up for what you believe to be pure and good and true, etc. At the end of the day, we have to decide what’s worth jumping for. We have to decide if it is aligned with who we are and who we want to be. To be our best self we must align with that voice, not look to others for our navigation and answers. As Glennon Doyle says, We have to stop asking people for directions to places they've never been. Next time I ponder whether to jump or not, the only person I’m going to check in with, the only person I’m going to ask…is the same one who is jumping off the cliff with me, my best self.Have you found yourself standing on the edge, ready to plunge into something that makes you tremble? As always, I love to hear your comments and stories. Share the love below!