I'm Coming Out (Again): Getting Out of Your Own Way

What creating a new website reveals about excuse-making, and lessons for getting out of your own way

______________________________

I launched my new personal website last week and I have to say it was almost harder than childbirth for me. OK, maybe not in those last minutes of labor, but I think you get the picture. Ha! But seriously, it’s kind of an intense process. Aside from the obvious work involved of creating the content, one can’t deny that it’s an emotional journey as well. It’s also about decision-making: how do I want to present myself to the world — buttoned up and perfect or as my best self, which means keeping it real (with a little hair and make-up of course!)?3 years ago when I was still a website virgin and had to create my first one, it was a completely daunting task. To start, I felt like I was pulling things out of thin air. Everyone was telling me that I had to have a web presence. I had to have a platform. I had to be on social media. Seriously? I just wanted to write a book, hand it to a publisher to make magical things happen and end up on Oprah’s couch being interviewed. Why the need for a website and all that other fanfare?And let me set the stage here for you: Back then, very few even knew I was writing, liked to write or dreamed about all of the above. I was going to let them all know once I made The New York Times bestseller list. Yeah, I know. This plan was a little flawed, but the truth is that I was still in the process of emotional healing. And they don’t call it a process for nothing.I was excited to finally pull my new site together because more than anything, the last one, built only a few years ago, was no longer representative of the current me — the evolution of me.

But here’s the thing — it was through that original process that I came out of the closet and sheepishly declared who I was, what I was building and where I was going. And btw, this ‘thing’ that you may be holding back on declaring to the world — it’s all in your head.

I can’t tell you how long I worried about what other people would think. I even went as far as staging a picture of me under the covers holding a sign up that read, “I’m not coming out!” Here’s the thing: the minute I launched that initial site, everyone was like, “Oh cool.” “Congrats.” “Awesome.” What the hell had I been so worried about and why had I wasted all that time? Hello?!I’m sharing this story with you because we hold ourselves back in so many ways every day. We get stuck in our own heads. We get wrapped up in false scenarios and outcomes.

Allow yourself to dream. Allow yourself to move in the direction of something you want to do with your life because when you do, life begins to unfold around you.

Now the beautiful thing is that it may lead you somewhere unexpected, but the point is that it will lead you somewhere. Ask yourself, “Self, what are you so afraid of? Are you going to hide this part of yourself simply because you are concerned about what others may think? Where are you shoving a part of yourself aside?”Stop with the deflating thinking. Stop the excuse-making. Imagine if you turned each “I can’t” into an “I can” — what would the new canvas of your life look like? So march on out of the closet, out from underneath the covers and/or wherever else you may be hiding and playing small — let’s get to it. Your beautiful life is waiting for you!

There are a million things you can do until you start telling yourself you can’t.

~Kristen Noel

Where (or what) are you hiding? Please let me know in the comments below.