Best Self Or Worst Self

Truth or Ego: What’s behind your words?

Have you ever regretted pushing ‘send’ on something – and wished you had never let it rip? You know what I mean, something expressed within the heat of the moment — words regrettably said, letters mailed, or my favorite - an electronic dueling match by text or other modes of instant messaging?I think on some level we’ve all been there.But what is the toll we pay for this kind of engagement? Usually by the dawn of the new day, with a bit of distance between us, we awake feeling bruised and battered emotionally. Like embers in an extinguished fire, we check our devices one final time…to see if a vestige remains – if a last spark lingers, any further communication has ensued to ensure that this battle has truly ceased. Alas, there will be obligatory clean up, even if it only means forgiving yourself.

Clearly there are times we need to express ourselves, in all of our relationships – personal and professional. There are times when things need to be said and likewise, there are times things are best kept to self.

Let’s face it, everybody is a tough guy hidden behind the veil of their devices. It is within that posturing that our bravado and ego prevails; it is also where our deepest wounds and fears arise.Some people have editing issues and allow whatever they are experiencing to permeate from their being as if the world needs to be privy to every nuance – dragging everyone along for the ride. Others fester and stew and keep it contained amidst of vat of passive aggression, keeping others wondering – did I do something wrong? And then there are those who simply ‘suck it up’ – sharing little emotion, but silently ripping their insides apart.Where are you on the spectrum? Is there really such a thing as a happy medium, a gray area where we can balance that which needs to be shared with that which is best kept under covers? And how do we discern between the two – how do we choose between aggressor, victim and martyr — that which serves the highest part of ourselves and our growth, or no one?My editing and censoring mechanisms have become fine-tuned with age — though trust me, I’ve taken them for quite a test-drive throughout my life. With years of personal drama behind me, I have engaged in many mud fights – like a great noble crusade, fighting to prove myself ‘right’ – some of it rather cringe-worthy, as I look back.Now I get triggered less and censor more. But let’s just say that was something developed the hard way – through good ‘ol trial and error (lots of error). That doesn’t mean that I’m immune. As a matter of fact, I was recently triggered. And this situation wasn’t even mine. But I’m not into bullying, so if you hurt those close to me, I’m not one to sit idly on the sidelines. However, can we really fight another’s battle?No, of course not. What we can do is find our place in the scenario and observe ourselves, what’s coming up for us and ask ourselves what’s deeper that needs some tending. All that ‘stuff’ we sweep under the rug (you know the stuff you don’t want to deal with), it comes back to haunt you. Out of sight, out of mind doesn’t apply to soul contracts. All of that unfinished work of yours will find its way back in. Might as well deal with it once and for all.

So, how do we discern when it is of value and of purpose to express our truth?

• Know your hotspots. Where do things flare up with you? Is there a particular person or situation that sets you off every time? Identify the core – the core emotion, not the trigger. That’s where the truth can be found.• Pause. Counting to 10 (or 100 if need be) before responding is a good line of defense. Immediate responses can feel like a quick high, but can leave you equally hung over and regretful. Look before you leap. Ask yourself – does this response feed my ego or my soul, my lowest or highest essence?• Identify the lesson. What personal storm is brewing for you? When someone or something provokes a response within us, it is less about the incident and more about the spiritual path we are on. The provocation is most likely something to help you fulfill your soul work, to complete an assignment – to move to another level of growth. The theme will continue to reappear until you take note.• Sharpen your tools. As we move through life, we can utilize each experience to enhance our toolbox. This is your treasure trove – always accessible and there for the taking. Whether it is to direct you to take pause, edit, delete or go deeper within – these tools of experience become your navigation system.As they say, S*&t happens. We get triggered, we say things, we react and sometimes we feel remorse or regret. Even within those feelings lie pearls of wisdom. It’s not easy to break old patterns, to break free of destructive behaviors, people and/or relationships. Some things are meant to end and sometimes we hold ourselves back for so long that our feelings come out sideways. There are times where one needs to sit with the shards and just feel into it — its pain, its ugliness, perhaps its relief.Before beating yourself up about speaking your truth – check in and feel. Censoring isn’t the answer – but acting out of love is; for ourselves and for the wounds of others. Yes, our words sent forth bear great meaning. What do you want to contribute to the world – more pollution and noise or your best self? It may be time to say goodbye to things that are no longer serving you…and if so, allow yourself to mourn. All is well when sent forth in love. Remember, the truth, the truth of your heart will set you free. Trust it.

“Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.”

~ Buddha