One More...

My father died last week.Though he had been contending with a serious heart condition for many years and though death was an ever-present possibility lurking in the closet like the boogey man…it came swiftly and took us by surprise. I don’t know if you can ever be prepared. I’ll probably never forget receiving the call from my Mother as she conveyed the words of his trusted cardiologist, “He isn’t getting better. The heart is too weak. You need to call your children.”My heart pounded out of my chest, tears streamed down my cheeks and my mind started moving a mile a minute. But wait God! Wait…please dear God, just one more…one more Christmas, one more lobster dinner, one more jar of his famous dried corn, one more Garlic Festival, one more delivery of his homemade tomato sauce, one more conversation, one more chance to tell him I love him…”I don’t know if I will ever be at peace with having had enough of anything with him, but I have no unresolved issues with him. We spoke often on the phone, I was with him several times the weeks prior to his death because I heeded the call of my intuition. Whenever I told him, "I love you," he replied, "I love you more." While he was still conscious, I was able to crawl up in his bed and whisper in his ear. I told him what I needed to tell him and then I said, “we’re good Dad, right?” And he smiled, and whispered in a raspy voice – “we’re good.” I knew we were. Despite praying that his transition would be swift and peaceful, I still wanted more.I’m not out on the other side of this grief so as to be able to possibly understand its gifts or its beauty. I know they are waiting for me and we will meet when the timing is right. A friend emailed me, “Losing a parent is like ripping your roots out of the ground, like losing a part of you.”The days after were filled with busyness – finalizing arrangements, being surrounded by friends, greeted by food deliveries – sharing stories, laughing and crying. There is probably no coincidence that upon arriving back in my own home after a week of activity, I learned of the passing of Wayne Dyer. It literally took my breath away. Years prior, at a time when my life seemed to have fallen apart irreparably, a friend took me to hear him speak. It was in that night with Wayne’s words that life shifted immeasurably. I introduced my Dad to him and together we went to hear him speak - we were both huge fans. I can only believe that they are together, two powerhouses – solving the problems of the world from the big stage.Live today like it is fulfilling your “one mores.” Whatever that is to you, put the trivialities and to-do lists aside, gift yourself a “one more.”