Maintaining flexibility in heart and spirit can help heal our own wounds and allow us to meet upon the bridge that unites us instead of divides us
—
So, how flexible are you? And no, I’m not talking about yoga poses…I’m talking about your heart and your ability to share it.
I don’t know about you…but I’ve been pulling all of my tricks out of the box lately in order to navigate this seemingly ongoing assault to my senses. Life has felt a little hard like swimming upstream against the current while dodging branches and debris. I aim for the shores of neutrality, a rock I can rest upon — some stability, solid ground and quiet.
Neutrality doesn’t mean unopinionated by any stretch. I couldn’t do that even if I tried (wink). No for me, ‘neutrality’ is a space where I can sit, exhale, reassess, regroup. It is not a place for kneejerk reactions and mudslinging. It is a place where I declare:
I don’t have to hold your resentments
I don’t have to be as angry as you
I don’t have to hate anyone
I don’t have to pick a team
I don’t have to blame anyone
I don’t have to believe what you believe
I can simply be…me
And if you come sit aside me, I invite you to be…you. I’m holding that space for both of us.
But that’s not what the world is telling us right now. Each side screams, follow us or you’re not my friend. And as ridiculous as that may seem, I’ve actually seen several declarations of this on social media. We have lost the bandwidth for discussion.
Yes please, bring your opinions and your feelings to the table…but can you leave a place for mine?
And while you may think this is all about politics, it’s not. You could basically fill in any conflict you are experiencing, perhaps with a friend, a partner, a colleague, a neighbor. It’s about the need to be right. It’s what we do…we rally people to garner support. It helps us feel better about our choices when we are not alone. And yet, we alone have to live with the ramifications of those choices.
I fear that as we get closer and closer to the U.S. Presidential election, we are getting further and further away from each other — from being able to share thoughts, opinions and beliefs — to come up with really good solutions to complex issues. And you could replace the election with myriad topics; Black Lives Matter, women’s rights, pandemics, vaccines, education, healthcare, economy…the list is endless.
Think about how this is playing out in your own life, or house, family, office, community, social media feed. Are you finding yourself retreating to your own Private Idaho, keeping your opinions to yourself because it’s just easier to not go there? Are you trying to illicit support and/or only hang with those who share your same sway? No judgment if you are. I get it. This shit’s exhausting!
And then of course there is the fear of backlash — when we speak our truth, we make ourselves vulnerable to the reactions of others. I’ve been on the receiving end of that myself. Sometimes those reactions are ugly, unkind and insensitive. Ouch. So why bother?
It made me realize how we are losing our beautiful elasticity to expand our minds, hearts and souls on this journey through the human experience.
We are missing out on the opportunity to commune and converse. We are shutting down, becoming rigid with our opinions like children stomping our feet screaming, my way! And we’ve got to stop it.
God knows I don’t have the answers, but forgive me for saying neither do you. What if we met upon the bridge of US?
Back to politics for a moment, my own family is divided. So what do we do? We don’t talk about it when we get together because it always dissolves into snarky mud-slinging remarks about party lines. Seriously?! And mind you, even my Best Self gets side-stepped and I can go at it with the best of them. Self-righteousness is not our friend and certainly isn’t doing us any favors.
However, I’m committed to showing up better. I want to find a new way of navigating the discomfort of the world. I want to connect with others who don’t think as I do…because I want to understand their why. Or at least be willing to listen and learn. Instead of sarcasm and quick comebacks, what if we all tried a new way. What if we committed to becoming bridges — bridges between the great divide of humanity, particularly at this moment of great isolation?
What if we took a deep breath and instead asked someone, Could you tell me more about why that is important to you? I really want to understand that.
And in the best case scenario, that would lead to their asking you the same. Just imagine that! Regardless, it’s a baby step in the right direction and it plants a seed for something else to take root. It simply feels better to our nervous systems.
I know politics are important. And despite not wanting to get our hands dirty — politicians make decisions about the things that are important to us like the environment, our health and the dignity of our countries. As Best Selfer (and former U.S. Presidential candidate), Congressman Tim Ryan told us a while back, we need to get off our yoga mats and into the conversation. This is our conversation, the legacy and story that we are going to leave. Let’s not leave it to someone else to write.
But when we can’t have the tough conversations, the uncomfortable ones that ruffle our feathers…well, we feed the great divide. Clearly, we don’t need any more pollution; physically or spiritually.
Elasticity is our ability to bring our empathy, compassion and souls into all that we do and encounter.
It is a navigational tool. It allows us to open ourselves — to learn, have aha moments, discover and love deeply. Not every day positions us to be a superhero. Some days are for hiding beneath the covers, nurturing ourselves. Some days are for daydreaming, others for creating. But some are certainly for taking a stand for the things that really matter to us — the kind of things we want to be remembered for. And wisdom is knowing what day it is!
How can we take a step in the direction of being more flexible and receptive to showing up for the kind of conversations we want to author? It takes two to tango and two to have a conversation…let’s try to meet each other in a new story. We’ll meet up with our Best Selves upon that bridge.
When given the choice being right or being kind, choose kind.
~ Dr. Wayne Dyer
Are you feeling division in your relationships and world bubbling up, stressing you out and shutting you down? Please share with us in the comments below how you are navigating these tricky waters. Let us know what’s coming up for you.
Grace Scharr McEnaney says
What a most welcome breath of rare fresh air!
Kristen Noel says
Breathe it in and breathe more of it. When we share our stories, I believe people find a piece of themselves in the experience. And then when we connect more healing unfolds. Thank you for sharing this with me. And may your heart remain open, flexible and aligned with your spirit. We all need fresh air right now. xo
Stephanie says
As someone who does The Work of Byron Katie, all it takes for peace is one person., and that person is you. Be the change you want to see in the world. End your internal suffering or at least understand it. Become very acquainted with yourself and once you are right with you, the world is ok. One person understanding at a time might open the space for others to follow suit. Or not. The only thing we can have any control of is ourselves. Be your best you and enjoy your life. Xx
Kristen Noel says
Amen. Thanks for sharing this Stephanie. Love this. xo
Patricia Brescia says
Great thoughts. I agree with all. I have been trying to communicate compassionately and respectfully with others about the many facets of our ballot on November 3. Loving speech is my guide (Thich Nhat Hahn). I believe in the Dalai Lama’s suggestion that the primary need of humanity is to teach compassion in our schools. To educate in this way. Thank you for your contribution to this noble goal. 🙏🏾🙏🍁
Kristen Noel says
Thank you for sharing this Patricia. The political aspect of this all is almost unbearable and completely inflexible. And yes, there is so much missing from the curriculum in our educational system. I totally agree that this would be an incredible place to start. If only we could all connect back to our humanity…oh what a different world we would be living in. I so appreciate your words. xo
Deb says
Some much needed sanity and soul soothing suggestions for moving forward together. Nicely delivered.💐Thank you.
Kristen Noel says
Thank you Deb. This community is my sanity. Just knowing that we are all navigating the messiness of this human experience while still trying to show up as our Best Selves gives me hope. Thank you for showing up here and sharing. It means a great deal to me. xo
Amanda Weber says
I’m feeling so much divisiveness in my life just now. It’s bringing up fear and anger and judgement and it all feels quite overwhelming. Your article this week felt like a warm hug. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, ideas and perspectives so lovingly and rationally. Deep breaths. Sending love and gratitude. Xoxo
Kristen Noel says
Thank you dear one. And If YOU are feeling these feels, imagine how other people who don’t have your big heart and incredible skills are feeling?! We are all in this mud together. But as they say, no mud no lotus. I’m so grateful to you for your work in the world, your enormous capacity to continue stretching and loving. I think it’s so important to share the truth — none of us know the answers. We are all angry, fearful, judgmental and overwhelmed by this all — so we just have to keep showing up in the best way that we can. Thank you for showing up here and I’m sending you back much love and gratitude. We can do hard things! And I believe that we can be wise, discerning and flexible. xo
Antoinette says
Kristen you really have a gift for writing. I applaud you for how you have handled this difficult subject. You are right to say that there is a serious divide between us in society now. We must respect others opinions even if we don’t agree with them. We need to listen to others tell their story and pray that peacefully they may want to hear our story. I want to stop judging people and instead love them .
Kristen Noel says
Thank you for your kind words. The judgment piece is HARD. We have opinions. We think we are right and we judge others accordingly. It becomes an impossible situation. Everything is set up right now to divide us…as we are being forced to pick a team. And I’m not just talking about politics. Unfortunately this kind to maneuvering in our lives will get us no where. This is tough stuff. It is much easier to polarize. I don’t have the answers, but I’m trying to not be led by fear or anger…and as I said in another comment…that’s a full-time job in itself! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts here Antoinette. It means more than you will ever know. xo
Brenda Colby says
This article came at absolutely the perfect time. My relationship with my daughter has been difficult because of not being able to get on the bridge. I sent her your blog in hopes that we could meet in the middle and listen to each other. Thank you so much. You shine a light on the real issues and now it’s easier to navigate. 🙏
Kristen Noel says
Oh, Brenda…I’m going to hold a prayer for you and your daughter. May you meet on a bridge, may your hearts open and remember how much you love each other. May you remember your connection and find your way back to one other in a way that you each feel seen, heard, honored. We have much to learn from each other. Life is short. I heard a beautiful phrase today, “may we alchemize our wounding.”
Thank you for sharing this with me. Thank you for being a part of this community and for having the elasticity to keep expanding. xo
Therese says
Yes Kristen you are always a sane honest voice among much chaos. I think fear is such a huge factor in all of this. Unfortunately politics have used this tactic for so many decades to influence people. I hope someday we can start to approach life from a loving kindness model instead of fear. I think listening is important too. I have been conflicted on one issue that the other party seems to reflect my views but being idealogically opposed to pretty much everything else. It makes you realize that no one group is always correct and there are so many perspectives to look at.
I am trying to be non judgemental (very hard) and not get angry (even harder) but I know that if you yell back nothing gets heard. I will admit to avoiding certain people just because I can’t go there. I like that you have approached this from such an open perspective to allow maybe small increments of change. It’s the only way we can move forward.
Kristen Noel says
Oh do I hear you. I feel just about everything you have expressed here Therese. Thank you for sharing this here. I know that this blog has pushed a few buttons for people. This isn’t a woo woo platitude or about being a doormat. We have opinions…and we should. It’s not our job to make others think like we think and as you said nothing gets heard in anger anyway. And I too avoid people — as I’m sure there are those who avoid me. That’s discernment. Like you, I’m focusing on working on judgment and anger right now (and that’s a full-time job!) Ha. But it also teaches us a great deal about ourselves. I think when we remember we can connect on some things and not all things — that we can still be kind, respectful and love others for their views, ways or life lessons…we can find small ways to create bridges. Just to be clear, I’m not referring to anything that causes harm to others. That is never acceptable. But the ‘elasticity’ I refer to is of the heart, leaving space for healing and believing in the innate goodness in ourselves and others. It is my prayer. So grateful for your words. Thank you. xo
Carolyn Clarke says
Oh Kristin, I SO relate to your writings of, “having elasticity of the heart, leaving space for healing and believing in the innate goodness in ourselves and others (which is also your prayer).”
In these heightened times, I admit shrinking my voice and becoming small… not really knowing how to speak about these immense issues. Faulting myself is easy and, yet, no words have been sufficient to express these immensely troubled times… but YOU DO express them, in a way for me and SOOOO many others. I thank you. Thank you for listening, rousing with and daring to voice the words that I (and so many others) wrestle with knowing how to say… especially so honestly and eloquently. In much appreciation of you, warmly Carolyn
Kristen Noel says
Thank you for your kind and loving words of support dear one. But trust me, I struggle with this as much as the next person. This work is WORK, but it is also so incredibly rewarding both in our inner journey and how we want to show up in the world. But you already know that. You walk the walk and talk the talk. And another thing…wisdom is knowing when to step back. So when you feel that need…follow its lead. Thanks for sharing here Carolyn. We are in this together. xo