Navigating the space between what once was and what’s next — and not necessarily knowing what to do with it aside from floating within it
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When a friend asked me how I was feeling, instead of the perfunctory “I’m fine,” I responded by saying that I feel like I’ve been floating. Floating through life in the time of COVID — neither uber-productive or passive, up or down, clear or unclear, just floating. Now let me be upfront in pointing out that ‘floating’ isn’t a natural state for me. I’m more of a ‘doer’ than a ‘floater’.
Of course, all my ‘doing’ has led me down some paths that were bumpier than others. Life at that setting can provide the perfect breeding ground for bypassing the root causes of our emotions and perpetual busyness to fuel the distraction — not exactly a great combo.
But floating, well, that’s a whole other can of worms and it’s caught my attention.
For me, this floating is less about judging and doing and more about unfolding and being. It is about allowing…and also transforming.
It also made me think of my time in Maine (time that didn’t happen this year due to the pandemic). Each summer for about 15 years now, we travel 9 hours north to Acadia National Park. There we park ourselves for a week in a beloved campground in our reserved spot on the water, literally an idyllic setting. Side note: This magical place and that particular spot took camping to a whole new level for me. And throughout the years we connected and weaved into the fabric of each other’s stories.
One of my absolute joys there is slipping down to the shore through a path of blueberry bushes, hopping on my raft and floating off into the horizon — glorious sunshine beating down on me warming my chilled skin (it is Maine water after all!). Equal parts soothing and exhilarating…my body, mind and spirit immediately decompress…and I float. Life, thoughts, to-do lists melt away and I become one with the ebb and flow of the tide. Worries slip out to sea. Mother Nature whispers, I’ve got this. Just float.
But we interrupt this regularly scheduled program. No floating this year. Well, at least that kind.
And yet, it’s a new kind of floating. Less going places, less buying things, less doing has cleared space for more quiet, more exhales, more expansiveness within all the constriction. More seeing.
We are all navigating new norms and have been for nearly 5 months. Suffice it to say, new norms are becoming the norm. Much of our regular routine has been removed. Initially this felt like we hit a roadblock, a temporary interruption. Now, it feels like things may never go back the way they once were.
Many of us have felt a great deal of resistance. Many of us have likely seen that resistance bubble up and find its way out in unexpected ways in both ourselves and others; aggressiveness, divisiveness and even the need to be right — none of which seems to be letting up. But it’s also been like getting on a raft and trusting where it will take you. Sure, you could resist and paddle against the current and exhaust yourself, but you can also choose to simply release and float — to see what happens on the other side of that. To trust.
For me, this ‘floating’ of late isn’t about surrender or detaching from my thinking, feeling self. It isn’t about letting go of analytic thinking, processing and participating. It’s about going with the flow of neutrality. It’s about not judging and labeling things good/bad, right/left, us/them. I’m not picking a team! It’s about settling into observation…feeling where the current of life is leading me.
The other day on my morning walk I was listening to a video of my friend Dr. Christiane Northrup who was speaking about alchemizing fear into freedom. Yes! That is what floating is to me.
Sometimes doing ‘nothing’ or at least not doing things the same way (the way that wasn’t working) allows us to unfold and see the new way — to trust that we can feel, deal and heal.
So, what does this mean in real time? I’ve been taking time this summer-of-stay-cations to unfold and unpack…to witness what wants to come forth, what wants to be seen, what wants to be heard. None of which probably trusts me entirely yet, so it tiptoes forward cautiously. I’ve allowed my days to evolve organically. I’ve put my calendar away. I’ve questioned…will life fall apart if I let old ways, thoughts and routines go? I’m here to attest that it won’t and it hasn’t.
I’m witnessing my fear, not shooing it away, not hiding it, not denying it — and slowly, softly and calmly I’m also recognizing that it doesn’t control me. In fact, I can control it. I can cut the chords and release myself. Freedom.
Let’s face it, life as we knew it will never be the same because we cannot be the same.
Sure, we will likely reclaim certain things and creature comforts that previously soothed us. But there is plenty we will not be able to ‘un-see’ and return to…and we won’t want to. It’s time to see new things and be new ways — to free ourselves.
Yes, there have been gifts amidst this storm of fear. If we allowed, we have connected to ourselves, our families and our environment more deeply. We cooked, had family meals, planted gardens, walked in nature, appreciated what we have…exhaled. Hey, I even got a puppy! We began to witness what was working, what not so much. We allowed ourselves to mutter…I don’t want to go back to life, ‘business as usual’ — that job, that partner, that way.
We allowed ourselves to float.
I don’t know about you, but my prayer has amped up. I find myself praying equal parts seeking guidance and giving profound gratitude. I find myself praying for others, especially the ones I can’t seem to like. I find my heart softer and my mind less bossy. In other words, I don’t know where I’m going, what’s ahead or what will unfold and how.
That’s the premise of floating. It is allowing, not controlling. The chatter in my mind kicks it up a notch…Hold on a minute — why are you acting like a retired person? A nap in the middle of the day? Get going, you better start making things happen! Chop, Chop Missy!
But I stay the course, shoo my limited-thinking and fear-based thoughts aside. I continue ‘being’. Being is not surrendering to outside forces, thinking or mandates — it is about sinking into more YOU-ness. Oh, and just another thing to keep in mind: it has its own timeline, like the cycles of Mother Nature’s tides.
Floating creates space for creativity, ideas, possibility, daydreams, clarity and healing. No matter what someone else around you may be doing or building — look away. Come back to your own backyard, to your own raft, your own divine path.
You haven’t missed the boat — you are the boat.
For now, I remain in a position of floating — quietly observing how I’m feeling, listening to what my heart is whispering and calmly trusting that it knows best. All is well. It will make sense soon enough and once again I will walk back up on shore refreshed, restored, rejuvenated — knowing where I’m going, who I am, what I want. But for now, I float…and that is a divine way to honor my Best Self.
But before I go…here’s the real star of the show…an updated picture of Zoey barreling down on 4 months old!
Have you been feeling a sense of floating lately, perhaps lost between where you’ve been and where you’re going? Please let us know in the comments below how you are navigating this time and space and honoring your Best Self journey in the process.
gayle says
…and also have been floating, nice to have a word to discribe the feeling ….and it is tough to let go and relax.
Kristen Noel says
Yes, floating is a good word to describe this uncertainty. When we can fall into its embrace we can ease the sting of letting things go…and when we do that, perhaps we can even release the fear. Let’s float together! xo
Kendra says
Kristen, you so beautifully said what I have been feeling and going through over the last five months! Without realizing it, I slowly I began to re-evaluate relationships with friends and family, nourish myself with exercise and relaxation, spend more quality time with my college aged daughter and my precious yellow lab, started experimenting with delicious, nutritious meals, and went back to school to receive certifications for what I’m most passionate about – Health and Wellness.
Thank you for the validation!
Kristen Noel says
This is the gift of COVID-19 wrapped in disguise. Floating allows us to see these things, to slow down, to look at our lives and most of all to see ourselves. Bravo to you…sounds like you’ve got this ‘floating’ down! Congrats on the certifications as well. Float on sister! xo
Larry says
Our bag of tools why we do what we do… constantly adding tools that help us remember what is, (after all is said and done), important to us.
May I be peaceful
may I be kind
may I be forgiving
may I be grateful
Thank you, Kristen, for your efforts at reminding us. 🙂
Kristen Noel says
And thank you Larry for sharing your wisdom here. These reminders should be Post It notes on our foreheads! Thanks for the loving tools. Be well friend.
Therese says
What a lovely way to describe how I’m feeling too. I decided early on not to be controlled by all the fear around me. I took time to really listen to my body and slow things down. I never feared getting sick but instead had to tackle the demons around losing my business. When I learned to lean into things clarity started to set in. Are things perfect? No, but are they ever.
Yes to those naps too.
Kristen Noel says
YES! In the words of Dr. Christiane Northrup, we want to alchemize our fear into freedom. And man, that’s a practice that needs practicing. I’m with you on all of the above. I guess we all need to understand that we each have our own vulnerabilities. I believe we will be served to witness them, be with them, float a bit and yes, take those naps! Thanks for showing up here Therese and sharing. xo
Melissa says
Wow. Wow, wow, wow. Beautifully expressed. Everything that has been in my head since March is articulated in this article. Thank you for giving voice to my thoughts. I shall certainly be pondering these words for the next little while.
Kristen Noel says
And thank you Melissa for taking the time to share this with me. I’ve found that when we share our stories, we find our way to one another and are much less alone in the journey of navigating it all. I think we can float side by side and hold each others hands. xo
Melanie says
Absolutely beautiful! What a kind and gentle perspective on the events this year. Well said!
Kristen Noel says
Thanks Melanie, your words mean a great deal to me. I’m a perspective-seeker — always trying to figure out the WHY behind everything. I feel like it helps me navigate the experiences of my life…especially the terrible, no-good, horrible ones! Ha. So grateful that you showed up here and are a part of this community. xo
Angie Lucas says
Thank you for these beautiful words. “I find my heart softer and my mind less bossy.” I love that! I’m striving for that myself.
Kristen Noel says
#goals right? Thanks for popping in here dear one. Each day is a new opportunity to flow with what’s coming up…sometimes I’m softer, sometimes I’m bossier…I just keep on showing up and trying to get it right. As I just read in Glennon Doyle’s new book, Untamed, “We will only know better if we continue unbecoming.” And thanks for all the beauty you put into the world! xo
Celeste Orr says
I love everything about this, Kristen – especially that photo, and yets, there’s been a lot of floating for me lately, although not as much of the water kind as I would like.
Kristen Noel says
Oh how I wish I could be floating in that sacred spot…next year. We are all floating in our own ways and that is wise. Allow it to take you where it is leading you and trust. P.S. It seems to be leading you in beautiful directions sister. That said, grab a float or hop in that glorious water before it’s too cold. Much love to you little dynamo! xo
Dorothy says
I find your words an accurate description of what I’ve been experiencing these last few months. I have asked myself what can I do to feel like I’m living my own (old) life, and what comes next? I feel more relaxed these last two months and more open to what comes next. We all hope to find our “fearless” tribe, and encourage each other to keep floating with the current. Many thanks.
Kristen Noel says
I hear you Dorothy. I think when this all went down initially, we thought it could only go on for so long. At first, many acquiesced…but as time when on we resisted. We wanted life as it was — back. I don’t know if this is wisdom or protecting myself, but I don’t think anything will ever feel the same. I think we are changed beings. That said, I feel that if we hold onto all the good stuff that is coming forth for us personally — the gratitude, the discoveries, the evolution and knowing…we won’t want it to go back. We will want it to go forward in our new design. Like you said, let’s find our people, hold them tight, live more intuitively and trust that life can be glorious in its new incarnation. So grateful for your words and to have you a part of this community. xo
Maria says
Lovely. I’m there with you and feeling very content. Ive been pushing through life, striving and achieving, especially this past decade. I am now sinking into my life, living simply, listening to my heart and body. I am learning to let go of the need to control outcomes because we truly are not able to do that.
Thank you for sharing.
Kristen Noel says
Just reading this made me exhale Maria. Well said and oh so wise. Yes and yes to all of it. Thank you for sharing that with me. It was beautiful to read. Keep on floating and breathing and being. Deep exhales. xo
Cindi jensen says
This was just what I needed to hear (or actually, read) as is puts the way I’ve been feeling into complete perspective. Written so beautifully and thoughtfully, I wish to make FLOATING my mantra. And ironically too I am a floater, literally. Whenever I get to a body of water (usually a pool here in So Cal) I float. No raft needed! I simply float. It’ puts me in to the most calm and relaxing state of being. It’s the one activity that can instantly put me into a meditative state. I love floating and have been doing it for years. Thank you for sharing your perspective and Zoey is absolutely adorable!!
Kristen Noel says
Float away dear one. Yes, it is incredibly powerful. Living in the mountains I have much less opportunity to do it in the ocean, but it is incredibly meditative and shifts the nervous system almost instantaneously. I just spent a few days floating in the ocean and welcomed its healing like never before. This incredibly challenging time in our lives is helping us reconnect to so many parts of ourselves and our interconnectedness with nature. I guess we could call it the blessing in disguise. More of this restoration please! Float on Cindi. Thanks for sharing and Zoey says THANKS! wink. xo