KRISTEN NOEL

Motivational Writer & Speaker

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Riding the Wave: Choosing Trust Over Suffering

Photograph of Kristen Noel walking the beach in Mexico
My daily beach walk in Mexico

Though we can’t always control our life’s circumstances, we can learn to control our suffering — and trusting in self is the compass to navigate it all.

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I recently had the good fortune of being able to put my Catskill Mountain winter toes in the ocean shores of western Mexico for a few days. Needless to say, they were happy (very happy) and so was I. The ocean has a way of calling to me whenever I am near her. No matter what time I go to sleep the night before, no matter how sleep deprived I may be — if I am in a hotel room near the water…she whispers to me, Wake up. Come play.

Early morning walks along her shores are simply medicine for my soul.

Perhaps it’s because it reconnects me to my childhood growing up on Long Island where summer days were spent at the beach — the smell of Coppertone suntan lotion (when there was actually only 1 SPF!), eating Mom’s sandwiches out of a packed cooler, sun-kissed noses, building sandcastles and of course, riding waves with Dad.

I adored my Dad, he was larger than life and always up for adventure. Even when it scared me, I always said yes to him. And as the eldest, I was his partner-in-crime in everything from rollercoasters to body surfing from a young age. The ferocity of those waves sometimes frightened me, but his words reverberate in my mind to this day, Just go with the flow. Don’t fight. Ride it out.

Oh, what a metaphor for life — one I wouldn’t fully grasp for decades. In fact, I would do just the opposite until I exhausted myself. I would resist, fight and try to control the outcome of my life circumstances to no avail over and over again.

The bottom line: When we get caught up in life’s waves (and we will), remember that we will also ultimately end up back on shore.

We simply have to decide how we are going to experience the ride, how much we are going to suffer. Are you going to claw your way back to shore, sputtering sea water, grasping for air with a bathing suit laden with sand…or allow yourself to sink into trust? Yep. It’s pretty much that simple. Your choice, there for the choosing.

The other morning on a walk with a dear friend, she was lamenting about how she was frustrated with herself for not yet being ‘over’ something, i.e. something that triggered her emotionally. Isn’t it amazing how clear we can become when we are looking at someone else’s situation? I mocked her ever so slightly (as only a bestie can do), Oh, so you can schedule your feelings and emotional healing, can you? We both laughed.

But that’s how we like to deal with the things that come up for us, the things that bring us face-to-face with our fear and limited thinking.

Riding the wave isn’t about having all the answers, it’s actually about having the wisdom to trust yourself. It isn’t about knowing exactly where you will land and when — it’s trusting that you will.

In listening to my friend I actually acknowledged that what she was feeling was ‘real’ in this moment to her — and it would be for as long as she needed it. She couldn’t reschedule it or shove it aside. And yes, it was stressful. It felt like it was tugging at the rug that could be pulled from underneath her feet. It made her feel vulnerable and it scared her. But it also came bearing its gifts; albeit in some funky wrapping paper. Who hasn’t felt all of those things at some point?

Resistance can come in the form of pushing back or denial — both equally unproductive. It would be wonderful if we knew the expected time span for emotional healing, similar to our physical healing. But that’s just not how it works. Besides that’s a lot of unnecessary pressure, even for us Type A overachievers and over-schedulers. Sometimes, instead of being able to fix everything, we simply need to sit and observe; observe how it is making our bodies feel, observe what it stirs up for us and observe how we respond to it.

Out on that walk, I turned to my friend and simply said, So what if instead of all this backlash and resistance, you simply told yourself — “I trust you.”

Think about that for a moment. When was the last time you gave yourself a pat on the back for having navigated this thing called life? When was the last time you simply stopped everything you were doing, closed your eyes, placed a hand on your heart and the other on your belly, inhaled and said, THANK YOU. I trust you.

Remind yourself of all that you have done right. All the right decisions that led to this version of magnificent you. You are stronger and more gorgeous than you know — no matter where you’ve been, how far you’ve fallen, how much you’ve lost, how great the pain — or how full of sand your bathing suit was when you got there. Actually, all of those things contributed to your greatness. You are who you are because of having navigated them, having ridden those waves.

So much of our healing is simply about acknowledging who we are and meeting ourselves where we are — then reminding ourselves that we can handle what is before us even when it feels overwhelmingly unimaginable.

Most of us know full well that we don’t expand in our ease, we go deeper, learn more about ourselves and become our fullest, compassionate selves through our tribulations. Don’t resist the ride. Trust your Best Self. Thank her (or him). Don’t fear the waves…they may take you for a bumpy adventure, but they will also drop you off on the shoreline with a great story. The story of YOU. And that’s a magnificent best seller!


So how’s that riding the life waves working out for you? Are you a resister and a perpetuator of your own suffering like I was…or do you trust yourself enough? Please share your experience with this in the comments below — where all the juicy stuff happens.

Comments

  1. Celeste Orr says

    March 5, 2020 at 1:26 pm

    I so needed these words this morning because no, I haven’t been trusting myself nearly enough, and yes, I can start right now – a revelation that brings so much comfort after a week full of rejection and heartache in very unexpected ways. I can breathe deep and be okay with the process, moving forward no matter how long it takes, and I can trust myself to end up exactly where I need to be. I can trust myself. The time has come! Thank you so much for this soul-searching prompt today.

    Reply
    • Kristen Noel says

      March 5, 2020 at 2:11 pm

      Oh dear one…rejection…my nemesis! We want what we want, when we want it…right?! But such is life and the trusting part is the key. It doesn’t necessarily mean we float through life unscathed, it just means that we can trust in our own resiliency, heart and soul to guide us somewhere else, especially when doors close (or simply won’t open). Sometimes there’s no point trying to figure it all out in the heat of the moment…just simply remind yourself, You’ve got this. I trust you.

      You are such a bundle of loving goodness and talent…I trust that life is leading you somewhere even more magnificent. Just keep on being amazing, precious, heart-centered you. Trust in that! You’ve got this sister. Love you. xo

      Reply
  2. Melissa says

    March 5, 2020 at 8:26 pm

    I sincerely don’t know how you always know what I need to hear when I need to hear it, but this in particular came at the perfect time. I am in a season right now where I feel like the waves are going to take me under for good. It’s been one thing after another with no time to recover from one thing before the next thing hits. Thank you for this gentle reminder that the shore is never very far away and that I will manage to find dry land at some point.

    Reply
    • Kristen Noel says

      March 11, 2020 at 11:42 am

      Oh Melissa, just keep swimming…and yes, the shore is always there (even when it feels like it is off in the distance). First off, many themes resonate with each of us because at the end of the day we are all in this human experience (and ride) together! We just experience different flavors at different times. Thank you for sharing this story with me. As I reread it again this morning I wondered if there are things that you are fighting and resisting because you don’t want to let them go. Think of banging your head upon closed doors. I know because sometimes it takes me awhile to see the writing on the wall…the opportunity for a pivot — to see it differently, to allow myself to let one thing go to clear space for something else. Just a thought? In the meantime, trust in yourself to navigate these waters. Trust that you are being protected and that you aren’t meant to make it through this season of difficulty and upheaval…remember, seasons pass. I’m rooting for you!!! And thank you again for showing up here. xoxoxo

      Reply
  3. Pat says

    March 5, 2020 at 9:33 pm

    Like Melissa, I don’t know how you’re able to write such a timely message that I needed to hear. My sister, you’ve done it again. I will share your message (again) with the people who are attending the next “Connecting the Dots” event, now in its third year. Thanks again Kristen for your inspiration, support and encouraging words to share my story!

    Reply
    • Kristen Noel says

      March 11, 2020 at 11:53 am

      Well dear one…themes resonate because we are all in this together. Thank you for showing up to reaffirm that and for your kind words. I trust that when inspiration to write something appears it is for a reason, a reason beyond my own needs. Our stories and truth connect us to our humanity and to one another like nothing else. We can isolate ourselves when we are experiencing difficulty — falsely believing that we are the only ones feeling that way…then we shame ourselves to add insult to injury. It’s such a vicious cycle. The more we write, speak and share the truth of our experiences — the more we can connect and be of service. And a ‘Connecting The Dots’ event? That is absolutely music to my Best Self ears. ‘Connecting The Dots’ is literally my battle cry…or maybe I should say Manifesto! Tell me more! And YES, share your story. Thank you for your kind words and for showing up here for me and all who read this. It means more than you will ever know and has the power to touch others in ways beyond our imagination. Keep on being your Best Self! xo

      Reply

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