How we can release ourselves from the hold of un-serving patterns within our lives
The world is calling upon us to show up differently. I see it all around me. You probably do too. Whether it’s in the media or in our interactions with others, things are shifting. Things feel unsettled. Paradigms are breaking down. The message: Old ways that are no longer serving us have got to go. The good news is that this is actually really exciting, but there’s work to be done in preparation for this party.
So, why are we holding ferociously onto that which holds us back from soaring to the peak of possibility within our lives? It’s simple: patterns are the culprit (and I’m not talking about the patterns on your cute socks or tile floor). I’m talking about the behaviors we repeat over and over — sometimes unconsciously participating in them our entire lives. We were taught some, we inherited others. We play them out for so long that they get woven into the fabric of our being. Little by little it chips away at our essence and we begin to forget how sparkly we once were.
But those suckers aren’t easy to do away with.
Patterns are like parasites feeding off the host, the host being your soul.
For example: Perhaps you routinely avoid confrontation, are in a relationship with someone who doesn’t ‘see’ you, subjugate your self-care in the ‘service’ of others, bury your head in the sand when it comes to the subject of finances, etc..
Going after un-serving patterns must be strategic. They need to be unearthed in order for us to return to the vitality we all desire. Sure, we all want that and yet, in the busyness of our lives, even though we may be aware of the aspects triggering stress — we simply carry on, bypassing the root causes. Sometimes it seems silly or rudimentary, sometimes too daunting a task. Who has time for all of this excavating anyway? And while tackling our patterns may feel overwhelming, have you ever asked yourself, What is the price I’m paying for ignoring this? There is no ‘get free’ pass here.
And you know what? It can leave you feeling energetically constipated. You know what I’m talking about — the times and places in your life where you feel like you keep coming up against a brick wall, dead end-ville.
Have you ever done a cleanse? If so, you know that euphoric lightness that comes from detoxing the physical self. The same holds true for the emotional self and yet ironically, we allow our minds to pile up with unnecessary overload. Think of a closet you stuff everything into and quickly close the door, hoping that 1.) the door will hold it all at bay and 2.) no one else will notice. What’s in your emotional closet?
Here are a few strategies to help you take down negative patterns:
Discover: Become the detective of your own mystery. Uncover the culprit holding you back. Trace its lineage and set yourself free.
Extract: Become the gardener of your life. Decide what stays, what goes — what serves you, what holds you back. Make room for the flowers.
Exhale: Become your own spiritual guru. Cut yourself some slack. Breathe. Trust the timing of your uniqueness.
Patterns grow tentacles that attach to everything. Are you ready to roll up your sleeves and connect some dots? Discovery is the place to start. Yeah, you’ve got to do a little detective work and figure out where the source of anxiety is emanating from. You needn’t look outside of yourself for answers, you simply need to start assembling the pieces of the story.
The amazing thing about this is that once you draw one conclusion, make one connection — the others begin to appear and make sense, revealing a series of ‘Ah Ha’ moments. Oh, so that’s why I continue to do….xyz. Hmmm. I never looked at it that way before.
There was a time in my life that I refer to as my ‘sleepwalking’ phase; perhaps you can relate. I wasn’t making any connections, I didn’t have any tools and I wasn’t speaking this language. Honestly, life was ‘fine’ but it wasn’t vibrant. I was disconnected to a deeper relationship with myself and by extension, others. But life set on ‘fine’ is really not where we want to be. You won’t find your best self there and you certainly won’t find your passion hanging out there.
‘Fine’ is actually a dangerous place to set up residency.
It’s the place where we can easily get stuck — a place where we settle for ‘good enough’, not pushing beyond our comfort zone, beyond our fear and into greatness. It can be a comfy and seductive place. Fine allows us to lose sight of the things that make our souls sing. We don’t want fine, we want fabulous.
Your roadmap out of ‘fine’ is tracing the patterns, uncovering the connections and going deep to extract the roots. This is where I think we all get tripped up. The real work isn’t necessarily the extraction piece of the puzzle. It takes courage to first see that which needs to go. It’s eye-opening to discover things about ourselves. When I started making connections, I was amazed to see how I played out behaviors throughout my life and equally amazed to follow them back and witness how they had played out in my family. And here’s the clincher — I also began to recognize how I had then attracted certain people into my life that fed my patterns.
When you can remove the things from your life that are sucking your life force, you will notice the arrival of a renewed sense of expansion.
But remember to breathe through it all. Of course we need to keep showing up for this journey through the human experience, but we also need to trust the timing of our individual path. I’ll be the first to admit, I’m not terribly patient. I want what I want when I want it. Can you relate? And I especially want things to change when I discover they are no longer serving me. This is where the breathing comes in. As they say, it’s not all about the destination. We’ve got to enjoy the ride, too. Breathe and create some room for that as well. Don’t be in such a rush to get from point A to point B (or in my case, point Z). When we exhale, we release and we create space for more. If you can trust that there is room for more oxygen, can you believe that letting go of something that is holding you back, allows for something else to arrive? Yeah, it can be that simple, literally a shift in perception.
Isn’t it time to claim your role in this life’s production, to be the maestro in charge of it all? You’re here in this moment, reading this for a reason. You care. You desire life on high octane and you’re are a believer in possibility. Besides, what better time than right here, right now to begin? You know what works for you, and likewise what doesn’t. Take one for the home team. Declare what it’s going to be and how it’s going to unfold.
Pattern doesn’t have to be a dirty word. In fact, it can uncover a glorious mosaic; one that is colorful, dynamic and uniquely yours. But you don’t need this blog to tell you, not all patterns are equal and some certainly need to go. It’s not all about rockin’ your life boat, it’s about high-vibing it, feeling the depths of your experience here in this life. And it’s also about flexibility and enjoying the ride. When we set off in one direction, we need to leave some wiggle room for re-routing — for new things to show up.
And remember, look inward for answers.
Sure, you can find things that will make you feel better: books, workshops, podcasts and even the well-intended opinions of others. But what you really need is to know that you can shift out of the things that aren’t working in your life, whenever you decide. When you show up for your best self…the pieces of the puzzle start aligning in new ways. I promise.
What patterns could you take down in your life? Let me know in the comments below — I always love to hear from you!