How I healed an old wound on a recent trip to Paris
Let’s face it. Paris is always a good idea, but I digress.
I’m going to go out on a limb and say something (actually 2 things) you might not like to hear (at first) about blocking your bliss, getting in your own way and remaining stuck:
- You talk a lot of blah, blah, blah to yourself
- Shifting isn’t that difficult
Let me explain:
We say we know what we want: more, more, more, be it money, a fulfilling career, passion, love-filled relationships, health and vibrancy, etc. However, we stop there with no plans (or even the tiniest baby steps) for executing those visions — or getting to the bottom of what’s in the way. Then, in come the excuses, the self-defeating thoughts and squash…back to autopilot. And no, the Universe, unicorns and angels aren’t going to magically deposit any of those wishes upon your doorstep overnight, without a little collaboration.
But here’s the thing, shifting ain’t that deep (Gurus need not apply). Healing is an inside job.
Healing comes when we choose to see what’s going on around us, within us and have a willingness to start asking ourselves questions — simple questions.
When we overcomplicate things, we circumnavigate what’s at the root. We dismiss it as silly or inconsequential, but our wounds aren’t complicated — the dance around them is.
At the crux of much of our suffering, is an inability to see things differently (trust me, we do this all the time) and our attachment to outcome. And btw, even after being surrounded by some of the most prolific and powerful thought leaders, thinkers and minds, despite having an extensive library of self-help books, having access to some of the greatest teachers on speed dial and being a professional ‘seeker’ — I get tripped up. I get stuck. I behave badly. I feel remorse: I should have known better, I should have been more enlightened, I shouldn’t be in this place again.
Do you ever find yourself waiting for someone else to do the ‘right’ thing? How about doing the right thing for yourself instead and looking at it differently? Take charge, do something about it and stop complaining. This is how we set ourselves free.
I recently returned from a week in Paris (I know…aaah). While it was an amazing trip, it wasn’t all croissants, shopping and Eiffel Towers. Some interesting things came up…and they weren’t all pretty. But stay the course, these things are our teachers.
I recognized something I had literally handcuffed myself to and it had entwined itself into my relationship with money. It was time to change that. For 14 years I had held onto a belief that someone else would ultimately do the ‘right’ thing and cleanup a certain scenario. It had to do with money. It had to do with my asking someone to lend someone else money. It had to do with being repaid. It had to do with sitting around and waiting for fairy tale endings, because somewhere we download the belief that if things don’t get tied up in a pretty bow at the end of the story — it wasn’t a success. Nothing could be further from the truth.
We download the false belief that if things don’t end tied up with a pretty bow, it wasn’t a success.Click to tweet
But mainly, it had to do with giving my power away — like being an understudy as opposed to claiming the leading role. It was as if I had put my life on hold, sitting on the sidelines, waiting. Will it be today? Will he do the right thing today? Oh, not today, that’s ok, I’m waiting patiently (NOT). Suddenly I realized what I had been doing — and I had been doing it for all of those years. In fact, it probably had tentacles that could be traced farther back than that. That’s a lot of patterning. That’s a lot of deeply seeded roots. It would take some cleanup in the garden of my life.
Suddenly I got it. My need to be ‘right’, my ego, had kept me on a one-way street.
This other person had no intention of repaying anything (that’s his karma). I had no intention of letting it go (that’s my karma and my suffering). And I was carrying around a lot of guilt. I had been the middleman and felt responsible. I had believed in the happy ending. My ego didn’t want to let go, but my much more evolved soul said, It’s time. Free yourself. For 14 years I was shackled to this story. I couldn’t see it differently…until I did.
I made a decision that day — I would pay back the money. It wasn’t my debt, but it had robbed me of much. I had paid the price in an immeasurable way. The person who was owed the money didn’t want me to pay it back, but was also shackled to the outcome. Keep in mind, this isn’t a small chunk of change and it may take a little time to satisfy. And while my ego is still having a temper tantrum about it all — I wrote a check for my first installment. The caveat: I sat down with the individual who was owed the money and said, Look, we need to free ourselves from this. We need to take back our power. We need to stop being consumed by this.
It worked. With that one declaration, with that one check, with that one shift in perception, we rerouted an old path and uprooted some old stagnant patterning. We began to set ourselves free. It felt good. Really good, like fresh spring breezes.
Traveling reminds us to look up, look around, look within. It creates room to move, breathe, expand, be — something we simply don’t give ourselves enough of. I didn’t need to get on a plane to Paris to step out of old thinking, but a new environment can be a catalyst for new thinking. Look at your own stumbling blocks, and PLEASE give yourself the breathing room to see it differently. Don’t pay the price longer than you have to. Don’t wait 14 years like I did. Most importantly, don’t beat yourself up if you do. You will get there as soon as you are ready to. And whenever you arrive is better than never.
Be an archeologist on your own dig — whether in your own backyard or Paris, make the room to uncover your best self. Trust me, it is the most liberating feeling — one that will prompt you to ask, What took me so long?
As always, I love hearing from YOU. What’s blocking your path? Where could you set yourself free? Let me know in the comments below.