Simply Thankful
While holidays can be a mixed bag of tradition, memories and triggers — they can also be filled with thanks for the ride (even the icky parts)
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Oh, the holidays...what a mixed bag they can be for all of us. They’re steeped in tradition, memories and grandma’s recipes. Yes, I can smell it all now wafting from the kitchen with all stovetop burners ablaze and the room full of activity.
But they also have the ability to trigger and stir us — and highlight who is noticeably missing from our table. For me, that’s Dad — the linchpin of menu planning, pre-holiday phone call nudging (when are you coming?), standing over your shoulder supervising your cooking (which you never could do quite right)...and running the whole show.
Sigh.
It has been 7 Thankgivings without him already, his presence is still greatly missed. But truthfully, nothing feels the same. But they never can be the same and that’s the trap. It’s not all about re-creating. It can be about making new memories. I bet you can relate. Where do you do this to yourself?
Holidays are an interesting time because we set ourselves up. There is usually a flurry of activity prior so that we can squeeze our already over-run schedules into a few days with family. We add more to the plate...more tasks, more shopping, more food, more spending, more exhaustion and of course, more expectation. Simply put, we fall in line.
Hey, we can’t help it. It’s the way we have been programmed...holidays should playout like a Hallmark movie and everyone is expected to slip into their roles on cue. But they rarely do and yet, anything less (despite our better sense), makes us feel less than.
My mom and I recently visited The Norman Rockwell Museum in Stockbridge, Massachusetts, where we stood before the famous painting from the 1940’s, Freedom from Want, also known as The Thanksgiving Picture or I'll Be Home for Christmas. This single image isthequintessential set-up. No one’s holiday table looks or feels like that...and yet, we gullibly lean into it and allow it to carry us away...year after year.
Yes, I’ll have a serving of expectation and perhaps a side of guilt afterwards, thank you.
Now, I know (and am happy) that many family gatherings or ‘friendsgivings’ are healthy and glorious and soul-filling. I certainly don’t want to diminish that in any way. But it’s actually why I’m writing you now on the threshold of this holiday.
How do we get out ahead of this? How do we design what we want and not step into more of what we don’t — old patterns and self-sabotaging routines?
Consciously consider where you are right now — how you are feeling — what you need — what feeds you — what you’d like to do and what you are bringing to the table. In conversation recently with a coaching client, I blurted out a phrase that rang of so much truth: It is not a fail to feel.
It’s not a fail to miss loved ones, to feel triggered, to pine for certain circumstances, to feel deflated or disappointed...maybe even angry. Or to not want to continuously partake in something that doesn’t uplift us. We feel what we feel, and our feelings always have something to reveal. What are yours pointing out and calling you to?
Could you reframe it so that you can allow and honor those feelings — allow them to shine the light where there is something you need to see? Could you release that which isn’t yours to carry and give it back to its rightful owner? Could you be kind to yourself and be thankful? Simply thankful, even for all the bumps in the road to here and the lessons that ensued?
Gratitude frees us and feeds us.
Your dinner table may not look like this Rockwell painting. Maybe you don’t even want it to. But I ask you to take a seat at the table of your own life. Give yourself permission to seek more of what nourishes you. Decline invitations that don’t resonate. Allow yourself not to continuously people please. Create boundaries around people that drag you down and suck up all the oxygen in the room. And mostly, take stock of all that is right in your life. What are you grateful for? Give yourself some acknowledgement for tiptoeing forward and having the bravery to keep showing up with that big heart of yours.
I send you blessings and love.
I am simply filled with gratitude that you are a part of this community. That we keep showing up in the spirit of healing, revealing, becoming our Best Selves. When we allow ourselves to love who we are...just as is...in all our messiness, glory, wants, desires and the feels — we bring forth a true gift and shine a light for others to do the same. Let’s keep it going...all year round.
Stay present with all that is true to you. It is in this place that our nervous system breathes deeply, we sit quietly, and we languish in memories that fill our heart, we step into new ones and we see so many things around us to be grateful for.
I’m simply grateful to be on this life journey alongside you.
How are you feeling on the eve of this holiday season? How do you feel the joy the holidays are supposed to invoke? Please share your tips for self-preservation during these triggering times in the comments below.