It’s A Ctrl (Control) Thing
Redefining our relationship with control
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All I can say is that the Universe definitely has a sarcastic sense of humor — my kind of gal. Recently, I had one of ‘those’ moments where I was just feeling irritable, easily annoyed and bothered. Even my coffee didn’t taste as good. I was writhing in the discomfort of my own skin for no apparent reason.
This is not my natural state of being so of course, I started to look for ways to shift out of it, make it go away, move beyond it — bypass what was beneath it and shake it as soon as possible. Hey, sometimes we just aren’t in the mood to analyze things…however…
Now don’t worry, I won’t toss you a platter of platitudes about just needing to be present or sitting with the feelings. because when one is irritated it’s like telling a person in the middle of a raging fit to “calm down.” That’s just not how it works or when we want to hear it. Yes, timing is everything even in bad moods (actually, especially in bad moods).
The sweet spot is found somewhere in the middle of the feeling and the fixing — that’s the place of discovery.
I’ve have learned to simply stand aside and observe myself right there, smack dab amidst it all, caught between two parties…Oh boy, you certainly are cranky today.
Probing further I ask…What’s really at the bottom of this?
Digging a bit deeper…What can you actually control here…and while we are at it, what are you going to do about it?
Back to the Universe, control and where this was all headed…
What can I say…it was just one of those mornings where the things that normally rolled off my back didn’t. Instead, they climbed on top, held on, weighing my shoulders down. Everything began to feel off a beat — and the beat grew into a cacophonous roar.
As if upon cue, feeling despondent, I looked down upon the keyboard on my desk and the CTRL button had popped off. It was as if the Universe smirked, OK smarty pants…so what do you really control after all…and what’s all the fuss about here today? And if you can’t control it, let it go sister.
I started laughing. Ok, ok, ok…I get it. Message received.
I certainly can’t control the weather — as evidenced by the ravages of a shriveled-up yard from a scorching hot summer with no rain that is normally lush and green.
I don’t control the behavior of others — as experienced in personal conflicts or disagreements.
I can’t control gas prices, climate change, traffic jams, financial market volatility or world unrest…
I can’t control a slew of external circumstances and as a matter of fact, there is little that I can control. But I can control my internal responses. I can control my side of the street — to look underneath a feeling and ask it what it has come to reveal. Why are you here? What do you need me to see? What am I missing?
My glass isn’t always half-full, sometimes it feels dry-as-a-bone empty. Sometimes I get derailed and start heading off course and feeling sorry for myself. Hey, life will provide myriad situations — each an opportunity to expand or contract, sit with or become more. We need space for both. Not every day is meant for leaping tall buildings in a single bound!
Give yourself the grace you need to discover what’s going on below the surface of a feeling — listen to what is calling to you and in need of your attention.
As I always say, you’ll eventually get to the other side of any life event — the question is in what condition. What condition do you want to be when you arrive — a hot frazzled mess, or a composed empowered expanded version of yourself? The latter of course!
Start by becoming more aware of all the seemingly insignificant moments of your day. This is where you mine the gold. These moments strung together tell the true story of how you are experiencing life. Are you forcing or flowing? Trusting or thrusting?
Let me share a quick little example of something that recently happened to me. I had to go to the bank for a transaction. When I arrived through the doors into the lobby and a welcomed burst of its air conditioning on a hot day, I was pleased with my timing. No one was there. No lines. I headed straight for the teller who greeted me and proceeded to process my request.
Within a few moments she announced that the transaction would cost me $15. I know…it’s just $15 but it kind of annoyed me. They get you coming and going, I complained to myself. Yet, I refrained from making a snarky remark and just stood there feigning patience and understanding. About five minutes in she apologetically looked at me and nervously announced that her system had frozen and she’d have to start all over again.
This was becoming a breeding ground for complaints…but still I refrained. Sure, I could’ve huffed and puffed and made her feel worse. I just laughed with her and said, well you know computers. They certainly have a mind of their own. A moment later, she turned to me and said, you know what? I’m going to waive your transaction fee for being so patient. Thank you.
Win for the home team!
This tiny little interaction with a stranger within the grander scope of my day and life could’ve easily been overlooked, but it didn’t get by me. It was a nod from above. Yes, my dear, you passed the test. Of course, I had been irritated, but I allowed that to bounce off me because here’s the truth about that — had I chosen another path I would have created more unrest within myself and then given it to another and then she could’ve passed it along to a co-worker or brought it home to her kids that night.
Recognizing our interconnectedness in the world and bigger picture is in our control and we need to ask ourselves what we are sharing.
In a world where we often feel out of control and powerless…we are always one step away from aligning with our Best Selves, the one that whispers…it is Ok. You are OK. We are OK.
In this season of transition, I encourage you to allow yourself to sit amidst all that is unfolding in your own life, from the big moments to the small and allow yourself to be both in control where it feels right and to release it where it does not. Tip toe through the sweet spot and settle where it feels most resonant…and give yourself permission to shift when it doesn’t. That is certainly in your Ctrl.
Do you dance with this tug ‘o war of control in your life? I’d love to hear your experience and strategies in the comments below.